Aaron Lawrence is a 24 year old escort and porn star from New Jersey. He's also got a college degree in Psychology and is the author of The Male Escort's Handbook just published in the USA and Suburban Hustler available here in the UK. Every fortnight in OutUK he answers your questions on being gay, sex and relationships. And any other stuff you might want to ask. He says "My advice is based on my experiences in the sex industry, academia, and life. In no way am I a medical doctor, licensed psychologist, trained sex therapist, or God. Please read my advice with those limitations in mind".

Aaron 'sez: Good point! Those that say they "aren't into bars" should also keep in mind that bars are very different at different times of the day. Those with dance floors are typically very loud at cruisy in the evenings, but on a Saturday afternoon they can be very laid-back places where people go to chat. Even if you don't go to bars at all, the key to meeting people when you're closeted is to put yourself into as many environments with gay people as possible. You aren't going to meet your ideal lover if all you do is work and sit at home.

Aaron 'sez: I took a peek at Chubnet. Good site, with a large listing of gatherings for "chubs and cubs" and their admirers. I have heard some of those events can attract hundreds of people, and are a great place to be treated with dignity and respect regardless of your weight.

Aaron 'sez: I am not familiar with that particular video, but you are correct. There is porn being produced currently that does feature cum in the mouth as well as condomless sex. However these are relatively rare productions, and tend to be very low-budget in nature. The vast majority of porn is still adhering to the traditional safe sex rules of porn. The recent trend of unsafe sex in porn accurately reflects the trend of unsafe sex in real life. Since the advent of the protease cocktail for HIV+ people, there has been an upsurge in the number of people (both negative and positive) that are engaging in barebacking, or unsafe sex. AIDS is being seen more as a lifelong condition rather than a fatal disease. A very dangerous attitude for anyone concerned with their long-term physical health and well-being.

Aaron 'sez: While normally I wouldn't have mercy on people who "make" people fall in love with them, I can see why as a married man that would be awkward for you. In any case, you do have a bit of a problem! My initial thought is that you may want to meet people in more sexual environments and less friendly/conversational ones. For example, through sex clubs. It would certainly cut down on the number of people falling in love with you. But you also indicated you were not looking for quickies, but rather for friendly playmates. So have you considered making your limitations and intentions clear right from the start? That would seem to be the best way to avoid problems. Another solution would be for you to date married men who are not looking for anything permanent, either. Then again, you indicated you are open and honest about things, but people fall for you anyway. Hmm! Love and attraction are funny things. Even when we know that the person is not available or interested, we often pursue them anyway. So as long as people are going to ignore your unavailability and pursue you anyway, you're going to have troubles! To be honest, your problem has me rather stumped. I'd suggest being more honest and pursuing married men (or men with lovers). But beyond that, I'm not sure what I'd suggest. Can anyone offer any suggestions? E-Mail me if you can.

Aaron 'sez: I've touched on oral sex and HIV in a number of my recent columns, so I won't dwell on it. Suffice to say that as long as you didn't have any cuts or sores on your dick, your risk of having contracted HIV is very low. You will still want to be tested in a few months, but in the meantime, you shouldn't abstain from sex or even lie awake at night in dread. Your chances of having contracted HIV are extremely low. Low enough that I would let HIV+ guys suck me off without a second thought.

Aaron 'sez: You have me wondering if his wife knows about why he married her and about your relationship. I'd say whether she knows or not is a pretty good idea about his intentions. On one hand he seems to care about and enjoy being with you, but on the other hand he is perfectly capable of entering a relationship and manipulating someone's feelings for his own personal ends. If she knows about the two of you, then I'd say you should go right ahead and proceed with the relationship. But if he hides you from her because he is worried she might divorce him and he would not gain citizenship, then you may want to seriously question whether this is the sort of person you want to be involved in.

Aaron 'sez: I think your last two sentences describes your problem much better than the rest of your letter. No wonder you are in a depression. Since he's the only guy that knows about your sexuality, you're completely lost without him. Unfortunately, for whatever reason he is not lost without you. In time he may grow up a bit more (he is a teenager or in his early 20's judging from your letter) and come out. But in the meantime, you have to take care of yourself. So find yourself a local gay/lesbian resource, whether it be a youth group, a student group, or a community center. Go drop into one of their meetings and start talking to them about what resources exist in the community for meeting people. As you make gay friends, you will find that your loneliness will disappear very quickly. Drop me a line after you visit the group for the first time, and tell me what you learn. I'd be happy to help walk you through your coming out process.

Aaron 'sez: Nope and nope. Well, sort-of. You can make your balls bigger through silicon injections and implants, but that's hardly what you want to be messing with. Women have known for years that silicon breast implants are not the miracle enlarger they were intended to be. There is no such thing as undersized balls. If you have 'em, they're normal. Find a few cute guys to get down between your legs and worship them for a few hours. I think you'll have a new outlook after the experience. As for aging and balls, I have never read anything to suggest that testicles grow with age (beyond puberty, that is). Perhaps what you are noticing has to do with the fact that the men have either just finished working out or a showering. Increased body temperature makes the testicles hang lower so they can cool more effectively. That will have the effect of making them look bigger to you.

Aaron 'sez: Exercises to strengthen your sphincter muscles are not going to do very much to help you become tighter after you have been fisted or penetrated with a large dildo. Part of being fucked is that your sphincter is temporarily stretched. No matter how strong your sphincter is, it's going to take a few hours or a day to return to normal. During that time period your boyfriend's sensation from fucking you will be reduced. Try having him fuck you for a while, then pull out the dildos and work yourself towards his fist. Once you're all done with your anal action you can finish him off with an A-1 blowjob.

Aaron 'sez: Would that I had your problem! But seriously, you already know how you can prepare yourself to be fucked. Being double-penetrated or fisted isn't really any different. What I think you are asking is what do I think about your partner's wishes, and what should you do about him going beyond your comfort zone. So from the start, know that you are totally within your rights to set your own limits. Even if you enjoy being submissive to your partner's sexual wishes, there is nothing wrong with giving him limits as to just how much anal action you are interested in taking. At the very least you should let him know you are hesitant and nervous about going further. Eventually his desire for more anal action for you will reach your physician and mental limits, and he is going to have to deal with that. By no means should you consider going beyond your limitations just to keep him around. That's a bad idea under all circumstances, and you're a lot better off declaring your limits now than doing something you will really regret. There is always plenty of time later to explore further if you should change your mind.

Aaron 'sez: When people think of shaving hair, they think of using a safety razor and lots of shaving cream. This does work, and is a great way to have your butthole looking smooth. Especially if a partner does it, as they can make sure the hair is gone much better than you can do to yourself. The downside though is that this often causes your ass (or crotch or wherever) to develop a rash after a day or so. The way I often get around this is my having my lover shave my ass with the trimmer part of my electric razor. True, this doesn't get as close as a safety razor, but it does avoid the rash side effect. I find this a fair compromise because even a super smooth ass turns to stubble after a few days. There's also the approach of using Nair, or any other hair-removal chemical. This dissolves the hair, but often misses spots. Definitely not the most effective way of removing hair, but does make it quite smooth and without a rash. If you have the money, the best way to remove the hair is through laser treatments. This is expensive, but results in permanent hair loss. A great idea if you want that absolutely smooth look. However you decide to remove the hair, g'luck! Each has their own pros and cons. Try finding one that works for you and stick with it. Ask your partners what they prefer, too. You never know what they might suggest. Who knows? They may like hair around your ass. Some guys do.

Aaron 'sez: Sure! If you'd like to. Some guys will gladly swallow, while others will pull back and jack you off at the last moment. From both a politeness and safety perspective, you should let your partner know you are getting close to cumming. Since talking is difficult to do through the gloryhole, you can let him know through body cues. Twitch your dick to make it even further, and start pumping through the hole in faster, more aggressive motions. Any experienced cocksucker will immediately recognize these as signs you are about to cum, and can prepare himself depending on his preference. Have fun!

Aaron 'sez: It very well may have been cum that was coming out of your ass, or it may have been lube. Some lubes do congeal in such a way they look like cum. Since you don't know (and I certainly don't), your best bet is to go get yourself for tested. There is an emergency treatment which can be given if you have accidently been exposed to HIV (doctors do this a lot when they accidently stick themselves with a needle), but it has to be started within 72 hours of exposure. Good luck with your next HIV test. But don't wait the full three months. Give your doctor a call about your possible exposure. There are tests that can detect HIV in less than the traditional three months, even if the accuracy is slightly lower in the process.

Aaron 'sez: Having just come back from Europe where I had an opportunity to observe a number of European men sucking my cock, I am finding myself agreeing with you. For whatever reason, my totally unscientific opinion is that Americans tend to chow down, while Europeans prefer to bob up and down on the top half. Not that I have the slightest idea why. So readers, you tell me! Are this writer and I imagining things? Or is there really a difference in preferred styles? For the life of me I can't even begin to imagine why there would be the case, but it may very well be the case.

Aaron 'sez: Let me get this straight. You have a ten-inch dick, you're having group jackoffs with your varsity swim team, and you're having fun even though it's a bit awkward. If this is true, you're living every gay man's fantasy. I hope you're writing down every detail of what happens. They make porno movies about this sort of thing. But seriously, you shouldn't remotely be bothered by the difference in dick size. If those measurements are truly accurate (I assume you haven't pulled out a ruler in the middle of one of your sessions), then you indeed to have a big dick. There's nothing wrong with that, just as there's nothing wrong with a seven or five or three-inch dick. Dick sizes are about as important in life as eye color. As for are you gay? Well, you tell me. A lot of straight guys are exhibitionists and enjoy group jackoffs. Just because you're beating off with them doesn't mean you're gay. But are you attracted to them physically? Do you want to touch them, run your hands on their bodies, and get to know them intimately and completely? Those are much more important questions. As for whether it's okay if you experiment further, that answer is again up to you. It's certainly okay with me, and there is no moral against doing more. But do what your mind and heart (and dick) tell you that you should do. It's certainly okay to experiment further if you want to. But don't feel that you have to. And feel free to send me an invite next time you guys have swim practice. : )

Aaron 'sez: Sure! It's totally okay for you to think about this. Your girlfriend has absolutely nothing to do with your attraction to this guy, and your liking of the idea of him sucking your cock. Your sexuality is yours to explore, and your only obligation to your girlfriend is that you don't create a long-term pattern of lying to her and leaving her in the cold. So go right ahead and explore gay sex with your new friend, but remember that it's not fair if you keep her hanging for the next year. Give yourself three or four months to explore, and then reassess your situation.

Aaron 'sez: Fairly often. It depends on the guy, the level of risk he takes, and the amount of sex he has, but certainly they do come down with STDs. They are an ever-present risk of having sex with multiple partners, and indeed sometimes just a few guys. If your priority in life is your medical safety, even from STDs that may be easily treated, then you should make a point of avoiding bathhouses and using condoms for oral sex. If you value having sex with multiple partners and are willing to gamble a bit more in life, then by all means go ahead and play a bit. Just don't be so stupid as to start having anal sex without a condom. That's a surefire way to get into trouble fast.

Aaron 'sez: Sure. Find yourself a gloryhole in an adult bookstore. The guy will slide his dick through the hole, and you can kneel and suck it without the inconvenience of having to look at the rest of him or deal with him as a person. If you are so inclined, you may even want to stick yours through the hole and let someone else suck it. You can find listings of lots of adult bookstores with gloryholes on www.cruisingforsex.com.

Aaron 'sez: As you said, you have two questions. In regards to the snoring problem, snoring so loudly that it drives someone out of the room is certainly unusual. But if neither of you two are particularly bothered by it, then it's not a problem. If it does bother one or both of you, then try talking to your doctor. He may have some suggestions on how to deal with the snoring. Try looking at Dr Koop's Ten Ways to Stop Snoring. It may have a few suggestions that work for you. As for your relatively minimal sex life, that's again an issue between the two of you. It's not uncommon for couples to have less sex after years into their relationship, although once or twice a month is certainly less than average. That may indicate a communication problem between the two of you. And if you have one of those, one of those tricks on the side someday may turn into a more serious affair. But if you two are happy, enjoy the sex you do have, and are content with what you do, then more power to you. Enjoy the frottage, have great sex when you do, and forget what the rest of the world thinks.

Aaron 'sez: Oops! Crabs are certainly not good. They are very easily transmitted by even just minor contact between your pubic or anal regions, not to mention "contaminated" towels, bedsheets, and the like. You can even occasionally contract crabs through toilet seats or benches, although that is pretty rare. Fortunately, crabs not harmful, and can be easily treated. Just drop by your local pharmacy to pick up any of their over-the-counter medications to get rid of them. Every gay guy (and many straight ones) get crabs from time to time. Deal with it, make sure you get rid of them, and move on with your life.

Aaron 'sez: You're in luck! Jacking off a lot and having sex will not ruin your cock's skin tone over the years. As a matter of fact, an active sex life has a lot of medical benefits, including lower stress levels (and all the benefits of that) and a lower chance of prostate cancer. That porn star glow you want to have comes as much from the lighting and the camerawork as it does from anything else. If you are concerned about your privates being all soft and smooth, put a bit of hand lotion down there from time to time. Just be sure not to do it if you are going to have sex that day, or your dick is going to taste bad.

Aaron sez: I receive many submissions of questions I have already answered. Aaron's Advice is published every couple of weeks in OutUK and you can see my past OutUK columns in the OutBack archive.

Bedtime Reading

Aaron's bestseller which graphically reveals his businesslike approach to the world's oldest profession. Available at Amazon.

Aaron sez :
For more information about gay health, check out Dr. Goldstone's book, The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex.

Suburban Hustler - Memoirs Of A HiTech Callboy is Aaron's first bestseller which has sold more than 200,000 copies at AmazonUK alone. Available here.