Aaron Lawrence is a 24 year old escort and porn star from New Jersey. He's also got a college degree in Psychology and is the author of The Male Escort's Handbook just published in the USA and Suburban Hustler available here in the UK. Every fortnight in OutUK he answers your questions on being gay, sex and relationships. And any other stuff you might want to ask. He says "My advice is based on my experiences in the sex industry, academia, and life. In no way am I a medical doctor, licensed psychologist, trained sex therapist, or God. Please read my advice with those limitations in mind".

Aaron 'sez: Sex, like life, is never 100% safe. Condoms are not foolproof and they do break. You have simply chosen a level of risk which is acceptable to yourself. While I understand that the conditions you describe really suck, keep in mind that what is "acceptable risk" varies from person to person. Like my sexually conservative husband, you choose to err on the side of considerable medical safety. Others, like those guys that hang out on Barebackcity.com, choose to engage in extremely risky forms of sex. Most people fall in the middle, with a cautious approach to sex and the occasional "safety slip-up".

Ultimately everyone must choose a level of risk they find acceptable. In writing this column I encourage a level of risk based on my own views, and then adjusted slightly in the favour of safety. Accordingly I stand by my view that condoms are generally unnecessary for monogamous couples. Yes, medical maladies do occur. But the ones that do occur tend to be rare in nature and easily treatable. You were one of those extremely rare few that suffered a "worst-case scenario". A bummer to be sure, but not one that changes my fundamental philosophies in this column.

Still, whether risky or cautious, readers deserve to hear lots of points of view on the subject. I thank you for writing yours.

Aaron 'sez: Interesting! I've been considering starting a line of hidden-camera videos. So that's how they do it! : )

Seriously though, I view the issue of hidden cameras as being as important as the sound of a tree falling in the forest when no one is there to hear it. Since security firms are not in the hidden-video porn business, confidentiality is hardly the issue. What is more important is the fact that police and security routinely harass and arrest people who engage in public sex. But for that they don't need a hidden camera.

So yes, I agree that cruisers would be best served legally by taking their sex elsewhere. But since no one ever expects to be arrested, the issue of hidden cameras really is a moot point.

Aaron 'sez: I am confused that you said your pharmacy only had "not for use on humans" detergents and sprays. Any pharmacy should have a number of anti-lice shampoos that are specific designed to be used in your hair, whether it be on your head or between your legs. If you don't see it on the shelves, ask your pharmacist. It's not something to be embarrassed to ask for, either. The pharmacy makes a few bucks if you buy it there, so they're more than happy to give you a recommendation.

If you're having problems with radioactive crab lice from hell and the over-the-counter medications don't seem to work, go see your doctor. There are a number of extremely strong topical medications used for killing lice that require a prescription.

Aaron 'sez: Vanilla sex refers to any gay sex you see in your basic porn movie. This includes kissing, masturbation, sucking, fucking, and rimming. There is no such thing as "chocolate sex."

Aaron 'sez: Funny - you don't necessarily need to be sneaking onto a website in order to read my column. Both jockuniversity.com and outuk.com require no statement of age to read it. But since you have already incriminated yourself, I'll be kind enough to agree with you: I really don't care about anyone underage reading this column. If a kid is interested enough to read what I have to write, they probably should learn the information within the column.

I also have two minds about the issue of kids and porn. On one hand I was jacking off to gay magazines when I was 15, and began my own porn video collection when I was 18. On the other hand, distributing porn to a minor is an offence, and I hate the idea of anyone going to jail because they sold a horny 17 year-old kid a porn mag. My own philosophy is that the age of consent to watch gay porn should be 15 or 16. I view that as an acceptable age to understand the implications of watching porn. Of course no one who makes these laws has yet to ask me for my opinion, and somehow I doubt they will be doing so anytime soon.

So should you be able to watch porn movies? Sure, as long as you're 15 or 16. Am I going to sell you my tapes? Not on your life. At least not until you're 18. If you really want to find gay porn tapes, I have two suggestions. First, start dropping into porn shops in your area during different times. If they toss you out for being under 18, then visit another shop or come back a week later and try again. You can't be arrested for buying porn, and they may very well be willing to sell you a few tapes. Frequently you can even convince the salesperson to sell you a tape if you try hard enough.

My other suggestion would be to have a legal-aged friend buy a tape for you, or to make a video copy of one of his. I don't normally condone copying porn tapes, but since you can't get them any other way I don't really have a problem here. Sure, the copies may not be the best possible quality, but who cares? You'll have a hot video either way.

If neither of those methods work for you, just putter around the web looking on free gay websites, especially those that offer digital clips from videos. You'll find there are plenty of them out there that you can sneak into and enjoy. It's not quite the same as a video, but you'll at least have something to jack off to until you're old enough to buy your own tapes.

Oh, and give some thought to actually being in a tape once you're 18. It's a great way to have some really hot sex, and frequently producers will give you free copies of their tapes if you ask for them.

Aaron 'sez: Generally you want to use an enema about an hour before sex. That gives plenty of time for the water to move back through your system and out of your body. If you are just using a small amount of water, half-an-hour may suffice. If you use a lot of water, then you may need closer to two hours.

As for felching, it is the sexual act of sucking cum out of someone's ass or vagina after they are fucked. It can be your own cum or a third person's. A running joke with felching involves sucking the cum back out with a straw.

Aaron 'sez: Have you considered getting a second opinion? A radical prosectomy is a really nasty operation that can involve a lot of long-term complications. We're talking possible impotence, an inability to ejaculate cum, and possibly urinary incontinence. Definitely not good things for your sex life.

Assuming that this is what you need to be doing, I honestly can't predict what will happen to you. I have seen clients who have had all three complications, who even shoot a stream of urine when they cum. Other clients escape with relatively few complications and have a pretty normal sex life, although they no longer shoot anything when they cum. These are obviously serious possibilities, and you need to be talking with your doctor about them. And not just one doctor, either.As I said, make sure you get a second or even a third opinion.

If worse comes to worse and your dick goes all to hell, remember that there's a lot more to sex than being a top. You can do wonderful things with your mouth and your ass. Although you may need to adjust your sex life, you can still salvage much of your favourite things to do.

Good luck with your cancer. And let us all know everything turns out.

Aaron 'sez: I have never heard that from anyone else. Could it be caused by some sort of cologne or something the other person is using? Perhaps he is jacking you off with a lube to which you are allergic? These seem to be the most likely sources. People generally aren't allergic to each others' saliva.

I suggest you try to figure out what is causing it and make adjustments based on what you find. No miracle cures until that point.

Aaron 'sez: One gets laid with a guy the same one does with a girl. You befriend a gay guy, get to know them, and then hit on them in the hopes of sex. If you become particularly impatient, you can always hire an escort.

Assuming you are in college, dropping by your local gay campus group is probably the best place to start. If you have graduated, check out your local gay bar. You may have to drop in on several occasions before you meet Mr. Right-Now, but if you put your mind to it you'll manage. Just be up front with him about your lack of experience with a guy. There are plenty of hot studs out there who would love to show you the ropes.

Aaron 'sez: How about a shot of Tabasco? That's always good for a hot time. Seriously, you don't need to put anything on someone's dick. If you are particularly concerned about safety, you may want to put a condom on him before you suck him. If you do so, make sure it is an unlubricated condom without the special tip. (Lube tastes awful, and the tip will make you gag). Most guys don't bother sucking with condoms, although the more safety-conscious do.

However you decide to do it, start by licking it up and down and then do what comes naturally. Being an expert cocksucker takes a lot of practice, but something tells me you have the inclination to try. A good starting position in learning how to suck cock involves you kneeling on the floor while your partner sits on the edge of the bed and lays back.

Aaron 'sez: Since your doctor has said everything is fine, I have to agree with him that the problem is in your head. As you well know, you have a disastrous history of gay relationships, and escorts aren't quite the same thing as a natural sex life. In theory, you should be able to get hard naturally and stay hard for the duration of a sexual encounter. Don't compare your performance to that of your escorts though, as they are more sexually experienced and are familiar enough with their bodies to make sure they can always get hard.

In your case I would suggest a few things. First, like porn stars do, abstain from masturbating for three or four days before you have sex. Second, skip the Viagra. Your problem is mental in nature, not physical. As you well know, Viagra cannot give you an erection if you are not aroused and comfortable with the situation. Third, if you are going to continue to see escorts, pick the one who is the most mature and sexually-skilled, and build an ongoing relationship with him. Enlist his help towards helping you relax and get hard naturally.

Finally, try dating again and looking for Mr. Right. There are a lot of guys out there who are patient, kind, understanding, and who would be happy to help you relax and come into your own. No fling, escort or otherwise, can be a substitute for the long-term support of a romantic partner. Just make sure you take things slowly and get involved with someone who will treat you with the dignity and respect that you deserve.

Aaron 'sez: Are you absolutely certain that you don't want to have sex with him? You are debating on the possibility of being somewhat bisexual, and you are obviously infatuated with your friend. Yet you say that you only want to cuddle, kiss, and "be intimate" with him, but don't want to have gay sex. It sounds to me like you want to have sex with him, but don't want the label of being bisexual or gay. That's fine - no one said that bisexuals are 50/50 and all gays are 100% oriented towards men. There are plenty of bisexuals that prefer women 90% of the time and a guy on rare occasions. You may fall into that category.

That being said, you're still in an awkward situation. Do you tell your friend how you feel? Or do you keep it inside in the hopes that everything resolves itself? Chances are that your friend will not respond with the same feelings you have for him. But chances are also that if he is a true friend then he will talk everything out with you and let you know how he feels. If you believe your friendship is strong enough to handle your feelings for him, then by all means sit down with him and have a talk. If not, you may have to settle for dropping hints in his direction. Watching Chasing Amy together then ask him about the guy in love is probably a good place to start.

Aaron sez: I receive many submissions of questions I have already answered. Aaron's Advice is published every couple of weeks in OutUK and you can see my past OutUK columns in the OutBack archive.

Bedtime Reading

Aaron's bestseller which graphically reveals his businesslike approach to the world's oldest profession. Available at Amazon.

Aaron sez :
For more information about gay health, check out Dr. Goldstone's book, The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex.

Suburban Hustler - Memoirs Of A HiTech Callboy is Aaron's first bestseller which has sold more than 200,000 copies at AmazonUK alone. Available here.