Aaron Lawrence is a 24 year old escort and porn star from New Jersey. He's also got a college degree in Psychology and is the author of The Male Escort's Handbook and Suburban Hustler both of which he published himself. Every fortnight in OutUK he answers your questions on being gay, sex and relationships and any other stuff you might want to ask. He says "My advice is based on my experiences in the sex industry, academia, and life. In no way am I a medical doctor, licensed psychologist, trained sex therapist, or God. Please read my advice with those limitations in mind".

Aaron 'sez: Yet another column is out late, so I thought I'd make it up to you by answering a few extra questions. Enjoy!

Aaron 'sez: Good idea. A little more difficult when it comes to removing the towel to have sex though. If you use this approach, you may want to remove the pin while the guy is looking the other way. He may never even know you've pinned your towel.

Aaron 'sez: Did I only imply unsafe sex? I thought my reply blatantly described the practice. The person wrote to me asking how they can have lubeless sex. I answered their question, and made the assumption that they knew what the risks were in making such a decision. You are totally correct that unsafe sex can be dangerous. "Can be" doesn't mean "must be" though, and so I'm willing to spare people the safe sex lecture much of the time. Maintaining a balance between the assumption of reader personal responsibility for himself vs. the need for ongoing STD-prevention information is one of the most basic tenants of this column. A given question may lean one way or the other, but that doesn't mean the overall balance is out of whack.

Either way, I absolutely, definitely, and positively disagree with your suggestion that I not even admit that lubeless sex is possible. Providing only partial sex education because "it's not in the public interest" is something that conservatives have been doing for years. I'd sooner shut down my column than publicly engage in the practice.

Aaron 'sez: You're going in chat rooms, having erotic conversations with underage kids, and sending hot e-mail back and forth with them. Is what you are doing illegal?  Probably.  Is what you are doing risky, dangerous, and stupid? Definitely.

Here are the facts of life regarding sex, kids, and the Internet. In the 1990's, millions of kids joined the Internet in droves while the police (and their parents) were scratching their heads trying to figure out how to work their VCRs. As a result, the Internet became "open season" for those that wanted to fuck an underage kid of either sex. At first no one noticed or cared, but about the time that 14 year-olds began running away from home to be with their 40 year-old boyfriends in another state, people began to scream bloody murder.

About this same time the Internet undid twenty-plus years of law enforcement work to combat child pornography. As a result, hundreds of millions of dollars were dumped into the hands of a law enforcement system ill-prepared to handle either issue. Congress began passing laws as fast as they could write them, and news reports covered Internet-related sex crimes on an almost daily basis.

Today, the cops are hitting back, and hard.  City, state, and federal police agencies have become very good at finding, arresting, and prosecuting those that either try to meet underage kids to have sex with them, or whom are passing along child pornography (defined as a picture of anyone under 18, whether 7 or 17 years old). Assisting cops in their efforts are hundreds of volunteers who seek to identify and assist police in their records. Many of those volunteers are well-intentioned people, others are vicious anti-sex fanatics who want nothing more than to see people like you locked up.

What does all this mean?  It means you're smoking a cigarette while officials clean up a major gasoline spill next to you. You may not intend anything more than a little fun for yourself, but that's not how an officer on the other side of the computer. What you see as role-playing in cybersex is a proposed plan to get together and fuck a minor to an officer. Dangerous, friend. And at age 64, there aren't too many juries that will go lightly on you for chatting with someone young enough to be your grandchild.

Legally speaking, there are a few things you need to know.  First, go to ageofconsent.com and learn what the age of consent laws are in your state. That's the youngest someone can be for you to legally have sex with them in your state. Second, know that under federal law any conversation with someone in another state or country automatically raises that to age 18. Third, know that even if the age of consent in your state is, say, 16, a bored prosecutor may still go after you for having hot chat with a 17 year-old. Sure, the charges may eventually be dropped, but not before your name and photo (as well as those of the prosecutor, of course) are published in big letters in your local paper. Your little game may wind up costing you thousands of dollars in legal bills, as well as having your family and friends all find out what you're up to.  And if you're found guilty you'll be joining your state's list of sex offenders; a list that is often made public to whatever community you live in.

Yes, I'm trying to scare you, but no, I'm not being moralistic about this. I believe many of these laws are stupid, and if I had my way there would be major changes in the laws regarding ages of consent and sexual cybercrimes. My senators have yet to ask me for my opinion though, so I'm simply telling you what your risks are. If you choose to take them (and let's face it - thousands of people on the 'net do daily), you're gambling big time. Just hope that your number never comes up.

Aaron 'sez: Nope! Otherwise half of the guys I know would all be walking around with 16" dicks between their legs.

Aaron 'sez: Are you saying I was hefty? Okay, I admit it. I used to be quite... well, chunky. Pleasantly plump as my family used to put it. Like you, I have body image issues as well. It doesn't help that I work in an industry where perfection is considered a minimal standard for success, and bodies like Lukas Ridgeston and Johan Paulik are routinely treated as what gay men should look like. Come to think of it, it's not just my industry.  That's rapidly happening all over the gay (and straight) communities.

So now for your question: Does the "body shame" ever go away? You won't like the answer, but here it is: "It can."

Here's my story. Ol' chubby me stayed up one night years ago and thought about my goals in life. I decided that it was time to make a change, and so the next day I dropped into my local gym, bought a membership, and started working with a trainer. He helped me design a high-protein and low-fat diet that was more healthy than what I was eating. He also helped me weight train three times per week, while I did another three days of cardiovascular exercise on my own.

The result? I eventually dropped 40lbs and posed for Freshmen and Inches magazines. Over the years I stopped going to the gym, and lost some of the progress I had made. I'm back to the gym these days though, and I'm proud to say that I'm rapidly getting back into my A-1 shape that I enjoyed so much.

"Chubby Aaron" still drops by for a visit every so often. Usually when I'm lonely or bored or upset. Instead of letting him cycle me back and forth between stints of exercise and overeating, I have been working to introduce him to the new me. I don't think he likes the protein shakes I drink now (neither do I to be honest), so he doesn't come by as much as he used to. I'm hoping in time he'll only drop by for holidays.

Moral of this tale? The "body shame" you feel is the anxiety you feel between your present exercise and eating behaviors, and the body you feel you should have. Change your physical goals to being chubby, and the guilt will vanish. Give up the fad diets, get yourself a support system, and start exercising regularly and eating right, and you'll find the weight (and guilt) will decrease. But do nothing except be lazy and eat to avoid the feeling of being guilty, and you're doing nothing except maintaining the status quo. Good luck making your decisions about all this in the future. Change, if there is to be any, must start from within you.

Aaron 'sez: I'm laughing pretty hard. There's no such thing as a sex life without embarrassment. It's part of being human.  Sooner or later you're going to accidently pass gas or have a "messy" encounter. It may repulse you, but it's unavoidable. So stop worrying and deal with it when it happens.

To avoid that mess and gas as much as possible, add more insoluble fiber to your diet. You get this in wheat-bran, vegetables, and whole grains. This "hardens up" everything going through your system, and so lowers any mess that can happen. Don't just eat half-a-dozen bran muffins the day before you have sex, either. A sudden increase in bran can cause extra gas, and you've already said you want to avoid that. After a week or two of eating more fiber, the bacteria in your system will be more balanced and won't cause the extra gas.

As you have learned, not eating the day you have sex doesn't help much either. Food stays within your system for 16-20 hours, so you'd have to not eat for at least that long to avoid any problems. For some people that time period is even longer. You're much better off eating normally, but having a better diet beforehand.

As far as enemas go, don't shoot six or eight cups of water in you an expect the sex to go naturally. I have one client that insists on doing so (in spite of my advice to the contrary), and as a result sex with him is always a watery mess.  What goes up must come down, after all, and not all of that water comes back out at once. Some of it may come out as much as hours later. An enema is much better done in small amounts, such as half-the-enema bottle instead of five or six bottles worth. The object here is to clean up the rectum for anal sex, not to give yourself a high colonic.

One last suggestion.  Not that you'd want to necessarily be having sex in such a condition, but avoid anal sex if you're on antibiotics for any reason. Antibiotics can kill the bacteria in your intestines, causing your whole digestive system to go out of whack. You may find yourself being particularly gassy or messy in such a case.

Hope this helped!

Aaron 'sez: Porn companies are businesses like any other, and always need a staff. Don't expect to get rich though. Porn is a notoriously low-paying industry for most people involved. If you'd like to look for a job in the porn sector, apply like you would for any other position.  Send the companies your resume and describe the sort of work you are looking for. And definitely call up a week later to follow-up on your resume. Because of the nature of their work, porn companies tend to be a lot less open to hiring strangers than most industries. You may have to be persistent to even get an interview.

Aaron 'sez: Scat refers to copraphillia, sexual activities involving human feces. Not exactly a tasty subject, eh?

Aaron 'sez: Remember when you bought your first new car? Remember that new car smell inside it that you enjoyed so much?  It probably lasted for a few months before it vanished. Well, dildos are like your car.  The smells from those newly-molded plastics, vinyls, and other materials needs to air-out a bit before they dry thoroughly and vanish. If your dildo is making you gag, stick it in a warm, dry area somewhere and let it air-dry for a month or two.

Aaron 'sez: I'd treat him like another client.  We'd cuddle, kiss, such each other, and do everything but him fucking me. An erection is only a small part of sex and sexuality. Lesbians have been having sex without erections for years, so I'm sure with some imagination we gay men can learn to do so as well.

Aaron 'sez: Yup! While being sucked you can contract gonorrhea, herpes, and less commonly HIV and syphilis. You can also contract non-gonoccal urethritis, which in plain terms is a simple bladder infection. It's still uncommon in the scheme of things that you'll get this from any given blowjob, but if enough men suck you off for long enough, you've got a good chance of eventually catching something.

Aaron 'sez: Any size. As long as you've got more than 2" hard, you should be in good shape. Smaller than that may make fucking difficult, but other than that makes little difference (no pun intended).

Aaron 'sez: It's highly unlikely that your "Robo Suck" did any sort of nerve damage. To do permanent damage to your dick the machine would have to have been going pretty damn strong, and you'd have known something wasn't right. Chances are you're either going through a phase, or have been beating off so much that your dick is somewhat less sensitive.

My advice is to take a few days off from jacking off, and then try it again to see how it feels. As I said, I sincerely doubt you have damaged your nerves. But if the feelings persist and you are still uncomfortable, you may want to visit a urologist for a full physical examination and consultation.

Aaron 'sez: How does 105 sound? Even then I think you should keep having sex if you can find someone who will do it with you. My oldest escort client is 80 years-old. I remember him smiling proudly after he fucked me well one evening, only to proclaim "And I'm not even on Viagra!"

Seriously, the idea that a 65 year-old should even be contemplating giving up sex is ridiculous. Your mental sex drive will continue to be strong for many years to come. Your physical drive will slow down some with age, but even then you've got plenty more years of having sex ahead of you. If a time should come when you have difficulty maintaining an erection or getting off, then focus your sex around pleasuring each other in different ways, or on the intimacy and physical contact.

Aaron 'sez: I met a guy over the computer, actually. We talked a lot online and I liked him a great deal. We met in public, went out to dinner, and eventually wound up in a cheap motel. Okay, so it wasn't exactly romantic. But it was my first time.

If you'd like to give up your virginity, try meeting someone over the Internet that you like. When you finally meet him in person though, arrange for it to be a date, and not just a sex-meeting. That way you won't be feel pressured to go through with sex if you decide you don't like him.

Alternately, try calling your local gay info line (look in the phone book under gay) and ask what resources exist in your area for a gay youth. You may be able to find this information on the Internet as well. A gay youth group is a great way to meet other guys in your same situation and who can help you come out. You may even find Mr. Right there to help you "cum out" as well.  

Aaron 'sez: Yes and no. Washing under one's foreskin is a part of keeping an uncut dick clean, but that hardly means they need to soak their dick in a bleach solution before sex. In general, it's a good idea to give yourself a quick wash with soap and water before sex, regardless of whether your dick is cut or uncut. If your partner has trouble with this lesson, then invite him into a long, steamy shower with you where you can wash each other as you get it on.

Aaron sez: I receive many submissions of questions I have already answered. Aaron's Advice is published every couple of weeks in OutUK and you can see my past OutUK columns in the OutBack archive.

Bedtime Reading

Aaron's bestseller which graphically reveals his businesslike approach to the world's oldest profession. Available at Amazon.

Aaron sez :
For more information about gay health, check out Dr. Goldstone's book, The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex.

Suburban Hustler - Memoirs Of A HiTech Callboy is Aaron's first bestseller which has sold more than 200,000 copies at AmazonUK alone. Available here.