Aaron Lawrence is a 24 year old escort and porn star from New Jersey. He's also got a college degree in Psychology and is the author of The Male Escort's Handbook and Suburban Hustler both of which he published himself. Every fortnight in OutUK he answers your questions on being gay, sex and relationships and any other stuff you might want to ask. He says "My advice is based on my experiences in the sex industry, academia, and life. In no way am I a medical doctor, licensed psychologist, trained sex therapist, or God. Please read my advice with those limitations in mind".

Aaron 'sez: Hey, folks! Here's my latest column. It's slightly late, but as always full of witty banter and entertaining discourse. : )

Aaron 'sez: Good point! HIV ain't the only STD out there. It's not a bad idea to ask one's doctor to do a battery of tests whenever you are being tested for HIV. Not everyone shows symptoms when they have STDs, and you could pass them on to other people in the meantime. And make sure you're vaccinated for Hepatitis A and B.  It can save you from a potentially fatal illness on the rise in the gay community.

Aaron 'sez: You certainly argue the point that having a big dick isn't everything it appears to be in the movies. Next time someone looks in the mirror and doesn't like his dick because it's "small," they may do well to remember your letter.

Aaron 'Sez: Your boyfriend may want to try a product called Tend Skin. In spite of its rather unconvincing website that makes it describes the product as "miraculous", the stuff has an excellent reputation for actually reducing or even preventing folliculitis (those itchy little bumps) and the ingrown hairs.

Another possibility is to try trimming his hair instead of shaving it completely. If he uses a trimmer with a #1 setting on it, he will cut the hair down to a 1/4" length or so. That won't remove hair completely, but will prevent the rash from forming. It's what a lot of porn stars use, with shavings being saved for just before they begin filming professional videos. In general it is very difficult to maintain a shaved look for long periods of time without itchiness and bumps.  For better or for worse, it's just not how most bodies are designed.

Aaron 'Sez: Four years of playing together and you two aren't doing much more than jacking off? I think that's a world record.  : )

I don't know if you realize it or not, but your two problems are very closely related... but not in the way you think. Here's my outlook: you've got a dick that doesn't work right because of what you did when you were 14. Now you've got a fuck buddy (a "fool-around buddy" really) who accepts your dick for the way it is. As a result you want to keep him around even though you know the relationship isn't going anywhere.

Now suppose things with this guy end. You will feel lonely and miserable for a little while, but eventually you will decide to go out and meet another gay guy. You'll be nervous and anxious at first, because you're worried what he's going to think about your dick. He's a great guy though, and you think you'd really like to have sex with him otherwise. You eventually hop in bed, and to your surprise your dick suddenly works like a charm.

I think this is a very likely future for you. You know your dick doesn't have anything physically wrong with it, because a number of doctors have looked it over and pronounced it fine. My guess is the reason that your dick isn't getting hard is because your sex life isn't good enough to get it hard. You may like this other guy, but you're more into him because he makes you feel relaxed than because he's actually good in bed. I'd be willing to bet good money that if you were with a guy who started sucking on you, your dick would suddenly become very erect. You already know what you want: gay sex. You're not getting it from your current guy, and he's not going to be giving it to you anytime soon. As painful as it may be, moving on and finding someone who can meet your emotional and sexual needs is your best option.

Aaron 'Sez: A "top" refers to the person doing the fucking during anal sex. A "bottom" refers to the person being fucked. Both of these terms are used regardless of which partner is physically on top of the other. Neither term is used in conjunction with oral sex.

So no idea if your guy will blow you or if you can blow him. But if he's talking about topping and bottoming, he'll almost certainly be agreeable to oral sex as well.

Aaron 'Sez:
You're 18, so I sincerely doubt that your body has some sort of physical difficulty in cumming. Some guys are certainly wired to take longer than others, but few people just can't cum. That being said, I believe your trouble is that you haven't learned just what sort of physical stimulation can make you cum. Not everyone can cum from oral sex, for example, so if you're like that you're not going to be able to cum no matter how long he goes down on you. If you switched to something that your body likes better though, you may notice an instant reaction.

So here's your homework: Understand that when you have sex, you can do it for your pleasure, for his, or for both. Who you are focusing on will decide what you do and in what positions. So next time you have sex, agree with your partner in advance that you're going to focus on your pleasure. Do whatever you want to do. Have him suck on you, fuck his ass, have him fuck you, beat off... whatever! You're the one who gets to choose what positions to play in and for how long. You're trying to learn what makes your body tick, and what acts and what positions work for you.

I understand what you're going through, and have confidence you'll work through it. I was 15 the first time I couldn't cum during sex. It took me a while to learn that my balls are what drive me wild, not my dick. If someone plays with my balls I go crazy and can cum easily. If not? It takes me a long time to cum. The moral of the story is not to give up. You just need to figure what works best for you. It may still take you a while to cum, but it won't be as long, and you'll enjoy the process a lot more.

Aaron 'Sez:
Congrats on coming to terms with your gay sexuality and starting to play with guys. Let's see what we can do about this rather tight problem of yours and get you on your back with your legs in the air while being plowed by some gorgeous stud. That is what you'd like to be doing, after all.
Since you know that you can be fucked by a dildo, it is obviously not a physical issue you are facing. Rather, a mental one that causes problems only when someone else is around. Anxiety, perhaps? Self-consciousness? The issue could be any number of possibilities.

My first suggestion is for you to buy a butt plug. A butt plug differs from a dildo in that it is shorter and has an extra wide spot about an inch above a wide base. As you slide the plug into your ass, the wide spot goes past your sphincter muscles which then contract around the inch-long thin area. The contracted sphincter muscles are then enough to keep the plug inside your ass without sliding out. By contrast, a dildo without this wide spot would gradually slide back out of your ass due to the natural contractions of your muscles.

Anyway, next time you know you are getting together with a guy, fuck yourself with a dildo to open yourself up. Then slide this butt plug inside your as just before your partner arrives. Head right up to the bedroom and start getting it on. As soon as he's ready to fuck, let him pull the plug out and slide his dick into you. That plug should have you as wide as your ass needs to be, and he should be able to slide into you easily. If he stops fucking you for any reason, have him slide that plug back into you to keep your ass from tightening back up.

Just keep in mind that you won't be able to have the plug inside you for more than twenty or thirty minutes before it gets uncomfortable.  The bigger the plug is, the faster it will begin to hurt, too. So you'll want to try this when an understanding and aware partner comes over to help you with your bottoming issues.  If you need to spend an evening out on the town trying to seduce him, chances are your ass is going to be mighty sore by the time sex time rolls around.

The plug isn't a long-term solution, but my guess is that you won't need it to be. Once you are able to be fucked by a caring, gentle, and sexually exciting lover, your ass will probably relax on its own.

Let me know how this works for you. I could have suggested a route of having a guy spend a lot of time giving you gentle external anal foreplay, but thought this was a more creative solution.  If this doesn't work for you I'll write out the other option.

Aaron 'sez: Rest assured, I understand that this is very important. Everyone wants their partners to come back begging for more. Rimming can be an important step toward that goal. Done well it can be the source of immense pleasure.

Starting at the beginning, rimming is the art of tonguing and kissing someone's anus (asshole) with your tongue and mouth. Obviously the bottom should be extremely clean for this. Even the slightest lack of hygiene can lead to a disaster of immense proportions. Assuming cleanliness is not an issue, there is little else to worry about.

The guy being rimmed should get into one of two common positions. The first is on his back with his legs in the air. A pillow under their lower back can help elevate their butt nicely into the air. The second is on their hands and knees with their butt in the air. Other positions are possible as well, such as standing and bent-over, or laying on one's stomach. My personal favorite is having someone on their hands and knees, but having them backed up to the edge of the bed. I can kneel on the floor and eat out their ass that way. (Kneeling behind them on the bed is workable, but tends to put a little strain on the neck from having to bed down so far).

However you do it, the pleasure from rimming is almost entirely within the inch or two of tissue surrounding the hole itself. At least at first it is. The more you rim, the deeper the rimming needs to go. Backing up and working on the outside can still be pleasurable, but often in a lesser way. So diving into someone's ass and going in as far as possible isn't necessarily the best way to rim. Starting from the outside inch and slowly working your way into the center works much better. Especially if you use your hands to spread their cheeks and reveal more of the soft pink tissue of their asshole.

When rimming, you do not use your teeth. There is nothing to bite, after all.  Rather, you use your lips to add sensitivity to the rimming while the tongue does the work. You can rim with the tongue alone, and this can be a good way to start, but adding the lips certainly increases the stimulation. The tongue, meanwhile, can be done in both a circular or up-and-down "lapping" motion. It can be done slowly or rapidly as well. It really depends on the rimmer and what sort of effect he is trying to give.

One useful technique while rimming is to take long licks from the asshole up to the balls and up the guy's shaft. Or just to the base of the balls - both are fun techniques. A useful "rule of thumb" is to consider whether the bottom is hard or soft while being rimmed. If he is hard, take long licks up to the tip of his dick.  If he is soft, stop at the base of the balls.
Another technique is to use a little suction while rimming. Just form a seal around the guy's ass with your mouth and inhale. Don't do it too hard, as the object isn't to give him some sort of anal hickey. But do it gently and you'll get a nice reaction out of him... especially if you shove your tongue in deep at the same time.

Some guys love to get a lot of saliva on the bottom's ass and to slowly finger them during all this. Others prefer not involving any penetration while they rim someone.  It's a personal preference, and either manner is acceptable.  Fingering can be greatly pleasurable for the bottom though, even if he normally tops during anal sex. A lot of tops find mild penetration during rimming to be extremely enjoyable.

However you do, have fun. And ask the bottom what he likes.  Rimming isn't a right or not right sort of proposition. As long as you're both having fun, keep doing it and enjoy yourselves.

Aaron 'sez: I find it fascinating that you felt a need to tell me that you do not consider yourself attractive because of your acne scars.  Your complaint is that people judge you on the way you look. Yet you mention you have the scars on your chest and back. Since you probably wear a shirt as you walk around your neighborhood, I can only conclude that your issue is more one of self-conscious and low physical self-esteem. The lack of friendliness of those you meet on the sidewalk may be for any number of reasons, but you automatically assume it has to do with how you look. I tend to doubt that for the sole reason that I've known some pretty ugly people in long-term relationships. No matter how bad your acne scarring is, there are people even worse off who are living very happy lives.

Let's start though by getting one thing straight. Judging people on the way they look is not a gay thing. It's a male thing. Women have been programmed for centuries to try to look as good as possible to please men.  As the gay community has developed since the late 1960's, we have fallen into the exact same trap. From advertising to pornography, sex sells. (I should know. I make my living selling it, after all).

Seeing as the source of your current trouble is your looks and how you interact with others, you have two options. First, change your looks. Second, become at peace with your looks, and consider other ways to combat your loneliness.

The first option has more options.  You can look into the various ways to remove your acne scarring. (Click to read about "Dermabrasion" on DrKoop.com).  You can change your hair, change your wardrobe, or change your approach to others. I have never met you, so I can't say whether your acne scarring is the problem at all. You may have a beard that looks worse than Osama bin Laden' on a head with hair that Don King would admire. I really don't know. It remains fact though, that if you look better people won't be able to help but to give you more respect and attention.

The second option is to become at peace with your looks and how you interact with the world. You may tell yourself that your acne scarring does not bother you, yet the loneliness you experience clearly does. Whether the two are related is difficult to tell. You certainly believe it is the case, but is it really? I have no idea, and I suspect you can't know for certain either.  Probably to some extent, but I doubt it is responsible for all of your loneliness.

An old joke refers to being unable to be at inner peace until you can watch your prized belongings melt in your microwave oven without feeling a trace of anxiety. Should you ever develop an acceptance for your looks that approaches this level, then consider how you can avoid being so lonely.  The San Diego gay community certainly places a high level of importance on physical beauty, but it can hardly be all that is valued there. In San Diego you have a gay Democratic club, a gay film festival, a gay men's chorus, and a host of other activities. Find a few that interest you and join them. You won't be able to help but to meet people that will value you for the contributions you can make.

Whichever option you choose, remember that loneliness is often a situation we make for ourselves. We see only the things we do in our own lives to meet other people, and when these don't work we often blame the world for not embracing what we have to offer. It can be far more difficult to consider and change what we do that doesn't help us meet people. Spending too much time in the office and not enough time around new people being the classic challenge. In the end though, as adults we are responsible for ourselves. Whether your looks or your loneliness, you need to consider your options and take responsibility for what happens to you.

Aaron 'sez: What an uncomfortable problem! And not an easily solved one, either. Short of a circumcisions, that is. And I don't think he's interested in that!

Two suggestions come to my mind. First, consider him using a condom while fucking you. It may not be as stimulating, but the condom will prevent his foreskin from retracting. My other suggestion would be to try using a better lube or switching positions. If the skin on his dick isn't sliding in and out of your ass smoothly, your ass may grab onto the skin every time he pushes his dick back inside you. Meaning on the outstroke he pulls a certain amount of skin out of your body, and on the instroke a little bit less goes in. Changing the lube, adding more of it, or switching positions might decrease the friction and allow more of the skin on his dick to slide back into your body.

Any other suggestions, folks?

Aaron 'sez: Your question isn't stupid at all.  Yes, you can get diseases from kissing.  Several of them, actually.  The classic one being infectious mononucleosis ("mono") in teenagers and young adults. Others include herpes and oral gonorrhea. Fortunately HIV cannot be easily transmitted by kissing. It is theoretically possible and has happened in at least one rare case, but out of the millions of kissing couples out there, one is an almost insignificant risk.

As for the peroxide, it probably wouldn't have helped much, but it certainly couldn't have hurt. Many of the infections transmitted orally can enter your body deep in the throat where you weren't rinsing with peroxide. Not to mention by the time you rinsed with peroxide you could probably have contracted anything he had. If you haven't had any new symptoms by now though, you're fine and have nothing to worry about.

Aaron 'sez: What is your purpose in waiting until college for you to have sex with guys? I assume you weren't planning on inviting your parents to join in, whether you're in high school or college when you finally give up your virginity. It really isn't your parents' business either way. On the other hand, waiting until college means they won't find out by accident while you're still under their roof. That can save you a lot of stress and aggravation. Whether to take a few extra risks to develop a relationship with a guy is a decision you have to make.  There isn't a right or wrong decision.

As for makeshift dildos around the house, what you should NOT use is anything that has any sharp or jagged edges, or things that can break. You should also not use anything that could become lost within you. The urban legend about the frozen hot dog being a classic. (Which, incidentally, I can't help but to believe is stupid. A frozen hot dog is cold! Who wants to put something like that in their ass or pussy?) My advice would be to borrow your folks' car and head out to the local gay bookstore. Spend $30 and pick yourself up a dildo and some lube. Every teenager has hiding place for things they don't want their parents to find, and I'm sure you're no exception. Keep it there and use it during those horny nights when you need some anal stimulation.

PS, In case you weren't sure, it's okay to be gay. There are millions of other gay teens out there who are going through the same thing you are. Go check out the teen personals and start writing e-mail with a few others and make some gay friends. Coming out is a lot easier once you talk to people going through the same thing.

Aaron 'sez: Alas, masturbation doesn't make you gain or lose weight. If there was a way to make a "weight loss porn tape" for people to masturbate to, I'd be a very rich man.

Aaron 'sez: You'd start by leaving Mississippi. You're not going to get much of anywhere in the porn business as long as you stay there.

Realistically, you have two options.  If you want a career in porn and want to do a lot of movies, move to West Hollywood (by Los Angeles) or San Diego. Those are the two major porn cities of the United States. Once you're there look in the local gay paper for the ads looking for models. You'll find many of them. Consider doing a movie or two to get some experience. Use the contacts you make to find higher quality and better-paying work. If you think you're really hot stuff and have what it takes to get to the top, find the offices for All Worlds Video, Men of Odyssey, Falcon, and Studio 2000. Visit the offices, drop off some high-quality nude pictures of yourself along with a sheet of biographical information, and introduce yourself. Be persistent in calling them for work. Porn favors those who keep trying. Don't expect to get rich or even make a minimal living doing porn, but you may make be able to make ten or fifteen thousand dollars a year for a couple of years.

The other option is if you want to just dabble in the industry and have fun. Go to mannet.com and look at their extensive lists of production companies. Also look at amvc.com for a list of amateur producers. Find companies that use models like yourself and that you are attracted to, and send them e-mail with pictures of decent nude pictures of yourself. Explain that you'd like to do videos for them next time you're in their area. Most companies outside of the major ones do not have the budgets to fly models around, but some may be willing to do so if they really want you in their videos. Again, be persistent and keep shopping around. Porn is always on the lookout for new faces, but the cast according to their current production needs. They may not need you one week, but may have a desperate need for you the next.

Aaron 'sez: I do not regularly bareback at all.  My lover and I do not use condoms very often, but that is because he prefers oral sex to anal sex. The issue of barebacking just doesn't come up between us.

Whether you should give barebacking a try depends on how much you trust your boyfriend.  Remember that even if you're both negative and monogamous right now doesn't mean you will be a year from now. It'll be very awkward if he has to 'fess up to an affair in the future after he's been porking you unsafely since the event. Still, safe sex is meant as a way to play safe until you get into a monogamous relationship with someone else. If the two of you are negative and monogamous, there are few reasons not to make the switch.

Aaron 'sez: Something tells me that your wife (I'm assuming you're straight, as no gay guys actually wait until after their ceremony to have sex) won't be worrying about your dick size on your wedding night. If you haven't been banging her, she's going to be just as worried about how she looks for you. Instead of feeling self-conscious about your dick, make a special effort to tell her how beautiful she is, how desirable she is, and how much you've been looking forward to being intimate with her. She'll be so reassured that she won't even notice your dick size.

(Conversely, you could do the opposite. Call her a "fat cow" and point out so many of her flaws that she doesn't notice that you have a small dick.  That'll probably result in you being divorced by morning though, so I wouldn't recommend it.)

Incidentally, I've met guys with bigger-than-average dicks that are convinced that it's small. I wouldn't beat yourself up over your dick size. If you are waiting until you get hitched to have sex, chances are your spouse ain't the type to be worried about your dick size.

Aaron 'sez: She? Two straight sex questions in a row! I feel so cool. I'm dispensing straight sex advice without ever having banged a woman in my life.

Anyway, your "chick-du-jour" was right. Your own banging could have exposed you to sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). A broken condom is about as useful as a flat tire. That doesn't mean you've contracted every disease known to man though. If you're concerned, head down to your local clinic at least three months after the sexual encounter and request an HIV test. If you notice any symptoms on your dick or thighs (pus, painful urination, sores, etc.), then head immediately head to your local doctor.

Aaron sez: I receive many submissions of questions I have already answered. Aaron's Advice is published every couple of weeks in OutUK and you can see my past OutUK columns in the OutBack archive.

Bedtime Reading

Aaron's bestseller which graphically reveals his businesslike approach to the world's oldest profession. Available at Amazon.

Aaron sez :
For more information about gay health, check out Dr. Goldstone's book, The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex.

Suburban Hustler - Memoirs Of A HiTech Callboy is Aaron's first bestseller which has sold more than 200,000 copies at AmazonUK alone. Available here.