Aaron Lawrence is a 26 year old escort and porn star from New Jersey. He's also got a college degree in Psychology and is the author of The Male Escort's Handbook and Suburban Hustler both of which he published himself. Aaron answers your questions in this regular OutUK column on being gay, sex and relationships and any other stuff you might want to ask. He says "My advice is based on my experiences in the sex industry, academia, and life. In no way am I a medical doctor, licensed psychologist, trained sex therapist, or God. Please read my advice with those limitations in mind".

Aaron 'sez: You heard it here, folks. Poppers (Nitrates) + Viagra = Death. Not a bad way to go all things concerned (if you take the surrounding activities into context). : )

Aaron 'sez: Don't suppose by BJ's you meant Ben & Jerry's, do you? That might explain the weight gain from your last boyfriend. A little sex education about blowjobs instead of Ben & Jerry's might help with your weight as well as make your relationships a lot more fun.

Kidding aside, most escorts have no issue of weight. Some dabblers do though, so it never hurts to disclose one's weight beforehand. If the escort has a problem with it, you're a lot better off without him.  After all - you'd have had a miserable experience and likely been out of pocket for the money you spent on him. My suggestion is to write a potential escort an e-mail telling him about yourself. If he responds warmly and supportively, then give him a call to chat with him on the phone briefly. Have a few questions about his services in mind when you call to keep the conversation going. If he seems as friendly on the phone as in the e-mail, then he may be the right guy for you. Consider booking him for a 2-3 hour appointment or for an overnight, as hour appointments tend to be a bit more "wham bam". You're looking for something a bit more slow and intimate, so more time will definitely come in handy.

Aaron 'sez: You're normal. It's a very rare and abnormal man indeed who doesn't jack off after he gets hitched.

Aaron 'sez: By far the most effective way to stop erections is death. Other methods include celebrating your 100th birthday, using erection-inhibiting antidepressants, taking female hormones, radical castration, having your prostate removed, and imagining what Michael Jackson looks like naked.

If those seem a bit too radical for you, your question should probably be how can you stop having unwanted erections? There are two good solutions there. The first is to think of something disgusting and disturbing. I have always found a nude male corpse with maggots crawling on it does the trick. The second (and more fun) method is to masturbate more often. Add another masturbation session to each day and you'll find your spur-of-the-moment stiffies happen a lot less often.

Aaron 'sez: 4:20 (420, really) is a term referring to smoking pot that goes back to the 1970's.  Precisely why the term exists is a matter of debate. The most common explanation is that the old anti-marijuana law in San Rafael, California was code 4:20. That has been discredited, as the San Rafael police deny that they ever had such a code number. A more likely explanation is that it began as a term that a group of dopehead high school students (nicknamed the Waldos) used with each other when meeting in public. They have evidence to back up their claim which suggests that they may have been inadvertent trendsetters.

For further information check out this site here.

Aaron 'sez: There are literally hundreds of possible ways to masturbate. Everyone has their personal favorites - for example, I like straddling a pillow or towel and pushing it up against my balls. I grind into it as I beat off giving myself the most exquisite orgasms. Others prefer techniques such as delaying their orgasm as long as possible, masturbating with their fingertips, or simultaneously fucking themselves with a dildo. The list goes on and on.

I suggest you take a look at jackinworld.com.  It's one of my favorite sites on the web, and is a veritable cornucopia of information about male masturbation.  There are dozens of techniques on it, many of which I am sure will be able to give you the thrill you desire.

Aaron 'sez: Being a virgin at age 23 is nothing to be ashamed of, and you are certainly not pathetic. You haven't had sex yet because you haven't quite been ready to. That may make you a bit of a late bloomer, but certainly doesn't make you a bad person or a freak. I know several guys who have been virgins in their 40's (and no, they weren't priests). It's not a big deal as long as you are comfortable with your decision to not have sex. If and when you decide you're ready to take the plunge, then it becomes a matter of finding the right opportunity. Until then - keep your chin up, and if someone asks about your sex life, look him straight in the eye and say that your cult has foresworn base carnality. Guaranteed he won't ask you again. : )

Aaron 'sez: Scat (shit) is a "love it or hate it" sorta fetish. To most people it is distasteful to the point where they will not do it even for money. To others it's a natural bodily function and one with intriguing sexual possibilities.

I am not certain of the best ways to find a partner in real life, but if you want to watch it on video you shouldn't have a hard time finding one. There have been people advertising for "dump videos" for years.

As far as finding people to watch doing a scat, I'm at a loss. Try poking around scat fetish websites and see what you find. I looked for a while but couldn't find any, but admit I was turned off enough I didn't look that hard.

Aaron 'sez: FYI, I checked with my medical consultant, Doc Goldstone. Here is his response...

This is probably just what doctors call smegma, a collection of sweat and dead skin cells. If it hurts it could also contain a fungus infection.  If you are worried you should see a urologist. Wash thoroughly and be sure to dry under your foreskin before pulling it back down. When you urinate it might be better to pull your foreskin back down. There are more foreskin tips on the web at gayhealth.com.

There ya go!  Glad we could help.

Aaron 'sez: NSU is non-specific urethritis, meaning a generic bacterial infection of the urethra.  It's not serious by itself and isn't necessarily sexually transmitted. Some men develop them from time to time, although receiving oral sex from anyone can cause it. It can be caused by bacteria found in anyone's mouth. Anyway, NSU is not that serious but it can be painful and does need to be treated before it develops into something else. If you are still having problems with it, see your doctor and have him prescribe an antibiotic for it. And stay away from oral sex until you're done.  Would you really want to suck on someone's dick if it was dripping pus?

Aaron 'sez: There is no such thing as being too young to be gay. Some guys figure it out at age 16, others figure it out at age 6 or age 60. Everyone is a bit different.  You're in the majority though - most have an idea about their sexuality as they enter their mid-to-late teens.

Now there's nothing wrong with being gay. Don't let anyone else ever convince you otherwise, or you'll spend months or years agonizing over this until you finally realize I'm right. Whether you should be having sex is an entirely different question.  There's nothing that says you need to be getting laid just because you're a gay 16 year-old. Some guys are ready at age 16, others prefer to wait a few more years. Whenever you decide to take the plunge, remember to play safe and use condoms for all anal sex to prevent the spread of AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). If you're adult enough to have sex, you're adult enough to protect yourself from the risks.

Aaron 'sez: If your partner really had root canal work just before making out with you then he was pretty stupid. Kissing is almost entirely safe, but HIV can be transmitted that way if both people have open cuts or sores, bleeding gums, or recent dental work. By making out with you he was putting himself at risk of anything you had. It put you at risk as well.

The end result is that you're both probably safe... this time. If you really didn't have HIV, then he couldn't have contracted it from you. If he had HIV though then there was an extremely small chance (much larger if you had any cuts or sores) that you could have gotten it from him. My advice? Don't stress about it, but have an HIV test in a few months. It can't hurt and is a good habit anyway.

Aaron 'sez: A Russian stud with a ton of precum? Fuck, yeah!  Care to give me his number? I'd like to experience that tap as well.  <grin>

As far as the risk of HIV and precum goes, it goes back to that "cut or sore in your mouth" bit. HIV has to get into your bloodstream. If you have a cut, sore, bleeding gum, or even if you just brushed your teeth causing microscopic tears, you can contract HIV that way.  It's not likely (especially from precum) but it is possible. Of far more likelihood is that you'd pick up gonorrhea if he had that.

Should you be worried? Well, I'd be concerned. Not panicking by any means, but definitely someone who should be tested for HIV every six months or so. You need to consider whether you're willing to take the risk. It's low, but it is real.

Aaron 'sez: Here's the scoop on obtaining a bigger dick:

- The Jelq technique: doesn't work.
- Eating healthy: doesn't work.
- Supplements and steroids: don't work.
- Masturbating often: doesn't work.
- Manuals and get a big dick programs: don't work.
- Creams, lotions, oils: don't work.

Are you catching a pattern here?

In fact, in my opinion there are only three ways to make your dick bigger.

- Hit puberty. Kids have small dicks. They hit 13 or so and suddenly get a bigger one (unless they're smoking a lot of pot at that age, which may cause their dick to skip puberty). It'll grow until you're 17 or 18 or so.

Being 17, you may still be in this category. Give it another year and it'll definitely be at its peak. You may already be fully grown, but then again you may still pick up a little more length.

- Lose weight. Fat guys often have smaller dicks because their bodyfat covers up the first inch or two of their dick. Losing weight will therefore cause their dick to be bigger.

Unless you are clearly overweight, you probably don't fall into this category.

- Surgery.  This is a radical option and not something I recommend. It can give you another inch or so, but there are so many possible complications that it is generally not a good idea to even consider this. If your dick is 2-3" and you physically can't fuck someone because of its length, then consider it. Otherwise I strongly suggest you scratch this idea.

So where does this leave you?  With a 5" dick that may grow a little bit longer. That puts you right in the average category (5" to 6"). That means you're perfectly normal, average, and definitely not unusual. You may not win any "big dick awards", but neither will anyone ever point and laugh at your nonexistent manhood.

Aaron 'sez: Ahhh, the old quantity vs. quality debate. Fortunately for you, there is no correct answer. The ideal length of a fuck session differs with every pairing. I love being fucked for about five minutes, for example. Any more and it starts to feel uncomfortable. I have friends that consider it a waste if the fucking lasts less than an hour. To each their own, really!

That being said, there are a few things you can do to solve your dilemma, both with and without your jacking off first option. First, jack off farther in advance of the sex session then you have been doing. Second, try Viagra. As long as your doctor gives you a clean bill of health for it, it may help keep you a bit harder. Third, try a desensitizing cream on your dick. It may help you last longer before you cum. Just make sure the cream isn't oil-based and won't break down any condom you use.  And finally, find an extra-thick or extra-thin condom to use. Plenty of brands have both, usually marketed as "extra protection" or "extra sensitivity". If you think you may cum too fast, use a really thick one. Use the thin one on days when you want a little more stimulation to stay hard longer. G'luck!

Aaron 'sez: If you are HIV+ and still having sex with your lover (which you are), you need to sit down and talk to him immediately about this. He obviously needs to be tested as well. Even if he has HIV, there is no way of knowing that he contracted it from you. Quite the opposite, it may be him that infected you. The three-month window between giving up hustling and starting to have sex with him makes it less likely that you had HIV before you started having sex with him. (Unless, of course, you were having sex with other guys during that window period).

Unfortunately, there are no magical answers to your dilemma. He needs to be tested IMMEDIATELY. You should also have a second test done to verify there was not an error with your prior test (they can and do happen, however rare). If you both have HIV then it may be possible for a doctor to test and determine if you two have the same strain of HIV, but that won't tell you who infected who.

For better or for worse, the only way to ever figure out what happened is for both of you to be tested and then start doing a bit of detective and deduction on your own. You may never know for sure, but you may eventually have a good idea what happened.

Aaron 'sez: I suppose the best way to start here is by pointing out that having hair on your back and shoulders isn't the problem. It's your dislike of it that is important. You can either learn to live with it, or you can get rid of the hair. That's where your second dilemma comes into play.

When it comes to hair removal, you have a few options...

- Shave it. You may be able to hit your shoulders, but you'll need help from a partner for your back. This is the cheapest option.

- Waxing - this is painful but is relatively cheap. A low-temperature wax is poured over the hair. It hardens and the wax (and hair) is then ripped off. To try this you'll have to find a salon that does waxing. Call them in advance and ask if they do men's hair removal.  If they don't, ask them for a recommendation of a place that does.

- Electrolysis - This is slightly less painful but is a bit more expensive, especially if you have a lot of hair you want removed. In electrolysis a trained technician (usually in a salon) uses a tiny needle to give a jolt of electricity to each hair follicle you want removed. The higher the voltage the more painful it is, but the less treatments you need. The hair will grow back in a few weeks, but each time it comes back thinner and less durable.  After enough treatments the hair will cease growing back.

- Nair (Nare?) - Nair is an American cream that you can put on hair causing it to dissolve in a few minutes. It can then be washed out. This is a fairly cheap option as well, although it doesn't work all that great. You may have to try it several days in a row to get an area completely smooth. Even then the hair will grow back after a few days. I am not sure what the brand name for this sort of cream will be in your country. As with shaving, you may need some help from a partner spreading it all over your back.

- Laser hair removal - this is the most expensive option but has the best results for the least amount of work.  A trained technician under the supervision of a doctor can remove hair using a laser. You may have to ask around or look in a newspaper to find a place that offers this service.  If they do (and you have the money to spend), give them a call to verify they do men's hair removal.

It's not unusual to want the hair removed and there's a lot of money to be made in the industry, so you shouldn't have problems finding someone to help you out. Whether you have the courage to do it is up to you. If you're too shy, perhaps you simply need to look in a mirror less often. : )

Aaron 'sez: If you sit a person down and make them tell you how people get into romantic relationships, you'll usually get an answer out of them like "you go out and meet people like you. Don't hop into bed right away, but get to know them first. Eventually you'll find someone you really like. It's okay to have sex before long, but see if anything romantic kindles first. Dating and long-term courting to follow."

Yet as you have noted, many gay men don't follow this strategy. Some wind up just looking for sex, and others wind up in a series of short-term relationships. Those that pursue only sex often have an idealistic definition of what they are looking for, or simply find the short-term sexual solution for loneliness to be more appealing than the more proactive longer-term scenario I described above. There are a variety of people who have short-term relationships, often those that are insecure and have a bad habit of jumping into a relationship with everyone they date, rather than holding out for someone who is a little more compatible. Older men who only want to date younger men often fall into this category as well.  Initial attraction and sex keep the relationship going for a few months, but a lack of common interests and not being at the same place in life almost always poisons the relationship.

You asked for advice on your own love life, yet provided me with no details other than that you have ten years of being "out". I therefore can't give you much in the way of advice other than to remind you of the above scenario. If you follow it then you will maximize your chances of finding a long-term romantic partner. In the meantime, don't worry about others and their problems with finding a relationship. With thousands of gay men living in your area, you don't need to concern yourself with anyone else who has a history of failed relationships. Focus instead of meeting someone like yourself that makes you laugh, and you'll be surprised who you find.

Aaron 'sez: California, or the United States really, doesn't have a lot in store for the dedicated voyeur. Assuming that your interests are strictly live and cannot be satisfied over the Internet, you don't have a lot of options. Nob Hill in San Francisco is about your best bet.  It has strip shows all day long and the multi-dancer shows sometimes turn into live shows on the weekends. It's definitely worth looking into. The Campus (also in SF) is another place you may enjoy checking out. Neither place has formalized live sex shows because of local ordinances, but that doesn't mean that auction is not there to behold.

As for strip joints, there are a number scattered around the state. Whether nudity is permitted varies according to city.  I suggest posting a message on the ATKOL forums at atkol.com for suggestions on places to visit. Of more use would be bathhouses and sex clubs. Gay men go to them in droves to have sex. Visit one on a good night and you may be able to watch dozens of pairings of guys having sex.  Like strip clubs, they are scattered around the state.  Visit cruisingforsex.com and check out their sex listings for reviews of bathhouses that are worth checking out.

As a side note, if you're ever in Bangkok (Thailand), you will have the trip of a lifetime. In the Suriwong area there are over a dozen bars offering live sex and strip shows of one sort or another.  Often multiple bars schedule their shows concurrently so patrons can go from one show to another (buying required drinks in each one, of course). Flights aren't too expensive, hotels are cheap, boys are cheap, and perhaps predictably, drinks are expensive. Take a trip there someday and you won't be disappointed. (Plug for myself: watch for my amateur porn videos filmed in Bangkok coming in April).

Aaron 'sez: It's very difficult, but possible for some people. For starters, have him refrain from jacking off for a week or so. He has to be intensively horny to the point where he's worried he may spontaneously combust if he doesn't get sex. Then get him in bed and really work him over. Start with an erotic massage that spends lots of time touching his dick but not quite jacking it. Play with his ass and finger him for a while.

When the time is right (and you'll know it), start fucking him. Precisely what position varies, but on his back with his legs in the air is a good one (especially if your stomach rubs his cock and balls slightly). Also laying him facedown on the bed is a good one. The objective here is to provide a slight amount of stimulation to his cock and balls, but without him touching himself.

Then start fucking him good and hard. Let him squeal in pleasure and keep fucking him until he's screaming with joy. At that point one or two things will happen. First, he'll start to cum without touching himself. Or second, he won't quite be able to reach that point.  If the former happens, great! If the latter, start working his dick yourself while you fuck him. He may not get that no-hands cumshot you want, but it'll be a memorable fuck anyway.

Aaron 'sez: I hate to break this to you, but there is no science to hiring escorts. Nor is there a union policy on what the client gets. Each of those questions has to be answered in conversations between the escort and the client. Even then it is subject to some change as the evening goes on. And a lot depends on how much you're paying him. I wouldn't expect the same from a $500 overnight escort than I would from one charging $1000.

In general though, at least several hours of sex is reasonable during an overnight.  Most the night before, but at least a quickie in the morning. The escort is entitled to at least a semi-decent night's sleep. Once upon a time I had a client that fucked me most of the night, then asked a totally exhausted me to take a walk across the Brooklyn Bridge at 5 in the morning. At the time I accepted, although now I realize I should have told him to take a hike. Escorts are human after all, and even if the client is ready for a literal all-night sex session, that doesn't mean an escort can keep up with him.

As for cuddling during sleeptime, yes, that's reasonable. Again though, the escort is human. I had a client once that liked to touch me as we slept. Not just hold me, but I mean touch me. Run his hands up and down my body, on my back, playing with my dick, etc. That's fine, but he would do it ALL FUCKING NIGHT LONG. You can sense my irritation because I couldn't sleep if he did this. He was perfectly content not getting any sleep and touching me all night long, but I wanted to at least get a few hours before he started making me put out in the morning. Holding each other still wasn't good enough for him, it had to be touching or he'd pout in the morning. (No, I don't see him in anymore. Probably a good thing for both of us).  Moral of the story: escorts are human.  Always remember that. But yes, you should be able to get some nice cuddling out of him.

As for a discount for frequent visits, that's between you and the escort. Some are happy to provide a discount.  Others will not do so under any circumstances. Don't expect an escort to provide a discount until you have seen him at least several times though. There are too many people requesting discounts with a promise of hiring the escort more later, but vanishing after the first encounter. The amount, if any, of a discount is a negotiation strictly on a case-by-case basis.  There is no rule of thumb that fits all.

Aaron 'sez: Let's summarize your letter. You have a thing for a guy who claims he's straight. He's willing to fool around a tiny bit, but not willing to show any affection other than friendship. This is a pattern he has done with more than one guy. Now you're asking if it is worth waiting for a relationship to develop. The answer?  No - it's crazy to think that one ever will.  Consider it a bonus if anything happens, but I'd be willing to bet the ranch that it never does. Set your sights on more realistic prospects in the meantime.

Aaron sez: I receive many submissions of questions I have already answered. Aaron's Advice is published every couple of weeks in OutUK and you can see my past OutUK columns in the OutBack archive.

Bedtime Reading

Aaron's bestseller which graphically reveals his businesslike approach to the world's oldest profession. Available at Amazon.

Aaron sez :
For more information about gay health, check out Dr. Goldstone's book, The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex.

Suburban Hustler - Memoirs Of A HiTech Callboy is Aaron's first bestseller which has sold more than 200,000 copies at AmazonUK alone. Available here.