Britain's most watched subscription only streamed show is back for it's second season as Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond return to our screens with The Grand Tour. It's Amazon's new version
of the classic car programme in which the three of them made their name - Top Gear. The first programme of series two will be available to download from Friday 8th December.
OutUK is no stranger to this trio of motoring pundits - we were featured on their original show
because of our spectatular Auto Erotic feature which proved that Jeremy Clarkson just loves to drive the gayest cars! Here's your chance to
enjoy again just how we made it into Top Gear.
It all started when OutUK's Adrian Gillan revealed the gayest cars on the road - whether you
like to be Smart about town, you're still a Mini kind of guy, or even if your wheels are a Queer As
Folk Jeep. When OutUK was featured on Top Gear on BBC 2, and in the The Sunday Times we were out to prove that you don't have to be gay
to drive these motors. We found out that even Jeremy Clarkson's wheels, a Mercedes SL55 AMG, made it into the Top 10 at No 4.
Cars might not seem the queerest things, know what I mean mate? A scratch and a
sniff. It's more firm pecs than tech specs for most gay guys who'll scarce know
a grunt from a purr beneath their bonnet.
Let's face it: some gay men will do almost anything to avoid getting behind a wheel.
It's cabs, cabs, cabs with us boys, and sod the expense. We'd sooner take a taxi
to the "offie" than walk to the corner. Or for birthdays and treats, we might
upgrade to the cool limo or brash Roller of our dreams, with chauffeur in shades.
Alternatively, but in equally trenchant vein, some of us turn militant urban warriors
bussing it or getting on our bikes.
The best thing
about the Smart is probably the price. Nowadays you can pay just a couple of hundred a month for a
variety of styles from the basic beauty to the sporty and darned cruisy - it's pure
urban chic and ever so gay.
That said, many need a bit more hands on - right in the driving seat. You know,
foot down eyes front stuff, tearing about town or down to Brighton, but without
writhing around in oil letting your spanner loose: car as lifestyle statement,
car as basic fashion accessory. From rugged Queer as Folk Jeeps - a bovver boot
on wheels, a kind of kitsch urban tank - to summertime open-air cruisers like MG,
BMW or Porsche convertibles or classic American retro Chevies with COX 1 plates.
Of course that's the gay theory. In practice most of us just have our anonymous
little T-reg Fiestas or Polos. It's a hoot to see uniform guys mincing out of a
club all be-leathered and sibilant, rounding the corner to open the door, not of
a decommissioned and repossessed armoured carrier, but of an X-reg Seat, and
straight back for a nice suburban cuppa.
2. Jeep Wrangler
3. Pink Rolls-Royce
4. Mercedes SL55 AMG
5. New Mini
6. BMW Z8
7. Porsche convertible
8. Classic Chevy
9. New Skoda
But the gayest vehicle on the road right now is without doubt the Smart. The ultimate
driving accessory - it's so small you just can't miss it! Heads turn as you dart your
Smart in and out of traffic, leaving lorries standing and parking in places you've
frankly no right.
Perfectly evolved to suit queer needs - gay man and machine in perfect harmony -
it's striking and in your face, challenging notions of both masculinity and what a
car should be, as it effortlessly out-manoeuvres many a high tonnage of characterless
junk out on the road. A right little gay David versus the straight auto Goliaths!
It's a moving sight, a boy in a Smart - such a public display of Fagdom. You don't
know whether to laugh or cheer as you shamelessly shop and strum about town, folded
up neatly in your little shopping-basket-turned-boy-babe-bucket. So practical, yet
You can almost hear White Van Man drivers seethe, "Get off the f**king road you
little gay f**k - call that a car?" as you cut them up and leave them stranded;
all but sense the gay boys cheer, "We'll done mate - just you show 'em!" as you
spin about Soho; well nigh bask in gasps of glory filling up your huge bootage
with bags of boutique booty, open and shut the auto-roof rain or shine, and thumb
your nose at the straight-laced cumbersome, faceless juggernauts that pass for
cars as you nip down the gym.
And what a bonus: just two pedals - fast and slow - so it's evens you'll push the
right one at the right time. And if you can't handle handles or clock knobs and
gears, just switch effortlessly into full autopilot, turn your brain off and -
like some surreal dodgem - loose all sense of contact with the road.
General tech specs, in case your father or brother-in-law should ask? Try out some
of these: eco-chic two-seater city car from DaimlerChrysler; in a range of styles
and specs; options include double-ellipse headlights and steering column 'paddle'
gear shift; 7.7 gallon tank for 400 miles plus range; low CO2 emissions and recyclable
parts; full "crash management system" and 0-62.5 mph in under 19s, with 85mph tops.
A grunt and a sniff - then ask if he'll race you round the block. Mate.
So how do Smart, which is a unit of the giant Daimler Chrysler
Corporation react to all this gay attention? "It's quite flattering," Sam Bridger Head of Marketing
at SmartUK told The Sunday Times who reported the OutUK survey. "Gays have an eye for design. But this
is not a cynical attempt to tap into the pink pound."
For further information on all things Smart, visit