GETTING TO LOVE YOUR TATTOOSThere's definitely something horny about, tattoos particularly when they're hidden in parts of the body normally covered, writes columnist Steve Gardiner. | |
| I suppose when you see them, it means the man's shown you some secret corner of his body which can only encourage you to dig deeper for more. The first time I laid eyes on a large tattooed back piece I couldn't help but fall in love. I was waiting in line for a drink at a nightclub, talking to a friend that was thinking about getting a tattoo, when the man in front of us turned, and breathed that one electric phrase, "Would you like to see my tattoo?". Without waiting for a reply, he peeled his white t-shirt off his toned body to reveal a magnificently coloured dragon that seemed to claw it's way up his tanned back, leaving deep gouges in it's climb up and over the tattooed man's shoulder. The design continued with the beast's hot breath lapping at the contours of the man's muscular chest. |
 Robbie Williams Getting Inked |
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If you don't have a tattoo and are wondering what to expect, try to remember
anticipating your first real sexual experience- it's something you'll never
really understand until it happens! Some people grimace, some pass out, yawn,
or even sleep, they can turn a sickly shade of green or register no pain at all.
You'll be left with a pleasant endorphin rush that will keep you high for hours.
A day later the experience will feel no worse than a day at the beach were you
got a little too much sun (and someone just slapped you on the back). You'll have
to let it heal and settle into your skin before you take it out on the town and
show it to all your friends. The place you choose to get your tattoo work done
should prepare you for all this, if the shop and the artist do not have a
professional attitude with a sterile environment, then it's not the place to get a tattoo.
There's a lot of great tattoo artists with extensive art training that can help you design your tattoo, think of it as commissioning a piece of artwork for your body. Think about the design carefully, tattoos are meant to last a lifetime. If you're thinking "Oh well, I can always get it removed"- you're not ready. The cost of getting a tattoo removed can often be five times that of getting a tattoo. It's a very painful procedure and non laser treatments will leave an ugly scar. | |
| The size and placement of a tattoo is all about personal choice. Unlike sex, 'it' doesn't have to be big to be impressive. If you pick the right design and a good artist, you'll still get wow's, even if it is only a few inches big. Way back in 1804 there was a competition for the largest tattoo- it stretched across the torsos of twenty men laid side by side. The ironic part was that the winner of the contest that year was won not by the sheer size of this magnificent work, but by an artist who had tattooed a tiny bee placed delicately on the tip of a penis. Proof that size doesn't matter, in the world of tattoos. |
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If you're thinking about getting a bee or any other creature tattooed on your penis
it takes a fair bit of planning. Don't expect to just walk into a shop and have whatever
tattooed down the shaft of your penis. The procedure is often only done by willing
tattooists and it entails a trip to the doctor's for an injection that will keep
you hard for hours. Sounds good, only one problem, you won't want to have sex
after this ordeal. It takes at least three weeks to heal and sex is out of the
question as it might cause infection. If you can stay celibate for that long,
let me know how it turned out!
Getting a tattoo is perhaps the biggest commitment that a person will make in their life- there are no refunds, no 30 day trial offers- it's yours for life. But they are one of the oldest forms of body celebration. Throughout history societies have used tattoos to worship their gods, nature and their own bodies. King George V, Czar Nicholas II and Winston Churchill wore them. For years they have adorned the arms and chests of sailors, bikers and outlaws. The most adventurous of our culture have used these skin symbols to protect them, so why not the ordinary man. The only warning I have about getting a tattoo is that they are addictive- bet you can't get just one. |
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