"Isn't it supposed to hurt?"

Well, no. Getting fucked may hurt, but it shouldn't. Think about it: that hole of yours painlessly opens wide at least once a day, and rare is the man whose girth is greater than that of your daily doo.

"I think it's mostly a matter of fear," says one now-blissful bottom.

"When I first had anal sex, I was just very nervous about letting a guy in there. So I was tight, and things didn't go well."

He smiles. "Actually, I remember saying, 'Ow! Take that out!'"

Fear of getting fucked may have roots in discomfort about disease, a reluctance to let bodily barriers down, or a life-long feeling that it's nasty down there. But those things can be overcome. The happy bottom continues, "Nowadays, though, I beg guys to put it in. I think it boils down to one thing: You've gotta want it."
Most of the discomfort associated with being fucked occurs on entry, so the top should take it slow and easy at first. And if you're the one getting fucked, let yourself go. As our bottom suggests, think about how much you crave your partner penetrating you. Once Willie is in the door, odds are that your rosebud will relax and things will go swimmingly. (Should real pain persist every time you try, there might be a medical reason that should be dealt with by a doc.)
Of course, deep desire makes getting dicked more delightful. "Wanting it" is easier if you want him. While some sexhounds can gleefully give it up to a complete stranger, for most of us, interpersonal rapport makes fucking much finer. Says another bottom, "Maybe I'm just being a fussy slut, but while I'd do oral stuff with just about anyone, I only get screwed by guys who are special. More or less." Yes, an ongoing dating situation can be lovely, but hey, your partner need not be Mr. Right Top. Just a bit of conversation followed by some foreplay can grease the skids nicely. And negotiating safety issues before hitting the sheets will allow both guys to concentrate on cock-in-butt.

Speaking of greasing the skids... Comfy anal play demands lots of lubrication, and plain old spit usually won't suffice. Latex condoms require the use of water-based lube. The stuff comes in a variety of textures and thicknesses, and for buttplay, most guys find "the thicker, the better." But regardless of the brand, the big problem with water-based lube is that it dries out. Keep some spare lube within reach for midcourse replenishing, and should that run out, a simple sprinkling of water will get things slippery again.

A bit of physical preparation helps, too. A pre-sex trip to the toilet is a terrific idea, and plenty of bottomboys like to douche, too. But should things feel impacted while you're getting fucked, it's not considered bad form to excuse yourself for a bathroom break. Shit happens.

Many men use one thing or another - from booze to pot to poppers to harder stuff - to help themselves loosen up. But though a beer or a joint may help things along, being bombed out of your mind during sex is a recipe for unsafe disaster; if you use something to lower your inhibitions, do so moderately and wisely.

Remember, whether you're the top or the bottom, anal sex should be comfy, safe, and enjoyable for all concerned. If it turns out not to be, by all means stop and regroup. Shift position, make out, or quaff a glass of fine chardonnay, and then go at it again. And should things still not go well, call it a carnal day. Remember, it's not your last chance to do the butt thing.

After all, anal sex should feel great. And, properly done, it will.

Simon Sheppard

Check out our great range of lubes and our best-selling Anal Douche at ShopGay

Sex Parties 101 - Order Here
Want to throw a sex party but have no idea where to begin? Do you want to go to a sex party but have no idea what to expect? Well in Simon's latest book Sex Parties 101 just published he gives you all the answers. Whether you've ever been to a sex party, or hosted a barbecue-cum-orgy in your backyard, this nuts-and-bolts guide to the ins, outs, ups, downs, tops, bottoms, and everything (and everyone) in between is a must-have! Just think--no more boring Saturday nights! Order your copy before the party season starts.
Indeep - Order Here

Kinkorama - Order Here

Simon's latest book of gay stories is In Deep: And Other Stories a new collection of intense erotic gay fiction. It features a gay vampire story to end all gay vampire stories, a raunchy Western tale that would have John Wayne riding a little snug in his saddle, and an in-your-face and up-your-arse retelling of the story of the Garden of Eden (and this time it is all about Adam and Steve). You can order it online from ShopGay.

Raunch fans will also enjoy Kinkorama: Dispatches From the Front Lines of Perversion in which he chronicles a first-person exploration of extreme sex from glory holes and three-ways to stronger scenes like S/M play and leather contests. Simon focuses a clear eye on what makes us squirm, sweat, and shiver, revealing a host of sometimes shocking, often hilarious, but always arousing scenarios of all kinds of gay sex. The book is available direct from ShopGay. For an OutUK interview with Simon click here. Simon is the co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power and editor of Hotter Than Hell. You can e-mail him at OutUK.


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