Fear of getting fucked may have roots in discomfort about disease, a reluctance to let
bodily barriers down, or a life-long feeling that it's nasty down there. But those things
can be overcome. The happy bottom continues, "Nowadays, though, I beg guys to put it in. I
think it boils down to one thing: You've gotta want it."
Most of the discomfort associated with being fucked occurs on entry, so the top
should take it slow and easy at first. And if you're the one getting fucked, let
yourself go. As our bottom suggests, think about how much you crave your partner
penetrating you. Once Willie is in the door, odds are that your rosebud will relax
and things will go swimmingly. (Should real pain persist every time you try, there
might be a medical reason that should be dealt with by a doc.)
Of course, deep desire makes getting dicked more delightful. "Wanting it" is easier if you
want him. While some sexhounds can gleefully give it up to a complete stranger,
for most of us, interpersonal rapport makes fucking much finer. Says another bottom,
"Maybe I'm just being a fussy slut, but while I'd do oral stuff with just about anyone,
I only get screwed by guys who are special. More or less." Yes, an ongoing dating
situation can be lovely, but hey, your partner need not be Mr. Right Top. Just a
bit of conversation followed by some foreplay can grease the skids nicely.
And negotiating safety issues before hitting the sheets will allow both guys
to concentrate on cock-in-butt.
Speaking of greasing the skids... Comfy anal play demands lots of lubrication, and
plain old spit usually won't suffice. Latex condoms require the use of water-based
lube. The stuff comes in a variety of textures and thicknesses, and for buttplay, most guys
find "the thicker, the better." But regardless of the brand, the big problem with water-based
lube is that it dries out. Keep some spare lube within reach for midcourse replenishing, and
should that run out, a simple sprinkling of water will get things slippery again.
A bit of physical preparation helps, too. A pre-sex trip to the toilet is a terrific idea,
and plenty of bottomboys like to douche, too. But should things feel impacted while you're
getting fucked, it's not considered bad form to excuse yourself for a bathroom break. Shit happens.
Many men use one thing or another - from booze to pot to poppers to harder stuff - to help
themselves loosen up. But though a beer or a joint may help things along, being bombed out
of your mind during sex is a recipe for unsafe disaster; if you use something to lower your
inhibitions, do so moderately and wisely.
Remember, whether you're the top or the bottom, anal sex should be comfy, safe, and enjoyable
for all concerned. If it turns out not to be, by all means stop and regroup. Shift position,
make out, or quaff a glass of fine chardonnay, and then go at it again. And should things
still not go well, call it a carnal day. Remember, it's not your last chance to do the
butt thing.
After all, anal sex should feel great. And, properly done, it will.

Simon Sheppard
San Francisco artist and activist Simon Sheppard is best known for his contributions to the erotic literary scene. He wrote hundreds of stories that appeared in S/M magazines; erotic anthologies; and over twenty editions of Best Gay Erotica and Best American Erotica. His Sextalk column has appeared on OutUK for more than 20 years. You can find out more about Simon Sheppard in this OutUK feature and tribute, or take a look at some of his many books that are still available:
Looking for something very sexy and just as smart? Man on Man collects the best and hottest gay sex writing by Simon, who is also
co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and
Power as well as a collection of gay erotica called
Hotter Than Hell.
In KINKORAMA : Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion he takes readers behind the unmarked doors and black vinyl curtains that lead to the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. There
are also stories of bears in Tales from the Bear Cult: Beat Bear Stories from the Best Magazines.
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