SPEAKING OF DARKNESS
As an old Velvet Underground song points out, "People look good in the dark." And
many of us feel good in the dark, too. Darkness can be just plain sexy.
Part of it is due to the mystique of the night. Night-time is traditionally when -
the day and its rigours done - we can let go, enjoy ourselves, and fuck like bunnies.
"Humans are very visually oriented," says one keen observer of men's lusts. "Being
in the dark deprives us of information. It frees up our imaginations, and helps
us let go of our inhibitions." That's no doubt why sex clubs and orgy rooms tend
to be dimly lit; in Amsterdam, the areas in bars where guys go to get it on are
called not "back rooms," but "dark rooms."
Having sex with people you can barely see can be disorienting, but it can also
be freeing. When you can't see someone well, it focuses more attention on how he
sounds, smells, and feels. Things can get more intense. One lustful old-timer
recalls, "In the 1970s, I used to go to a bar in San Francisco with an orgy
room that was lit by just one dim red light. It was great to have sex with men
I couldn't see at all, just reverting to my animal self."||
Not everyone is into indiscriminate rutting, of course, but darkness can be
liberating even for long-term lovers. "I've become so accustomed to seeing my
honey day after day that having sex with him in total darkness is somehow special,
becoming about the pleasure itself instead of whatever happened between us that
day," says one happily partnered man. "It also means that when I'm not very horny
and he is, I can more easily use my imagination and pretend he's someone else.
Of course, I keep him the dark about that."
Compared to many special effects employed for a special fuck, achieving total darkness
is quick and easy. It's safe, too, as long as you keep the rubbers easily reachable
and don't leave your tangled jeans where you'll trip over them on the way to the
toilet. And those who are into "dim" rather than "pitch-black" can rely on a variety
of low-illumination tools, from turned-down dimmers to religious candles to a retro
lava lamp on the other side of the room.
On the darker side, an absence of light can mask some less-than-great stuff - not
only spots, but neuroses, too. "I was with a fuck buddy of mine,
and we talked about inviting a third guy over to play with us," a guy recalls.
"My friend always goes on about how homely and overweight he is - which he isn't,
not at all. He just has a lousy self-image, I guess. He said it would be fine as
long as we kept the lights off during the three-way. When our guest arrived, I tried
to at least keep the hall light on. Hell, I like to see the men I'm having sex with,
but my buddy was having none of it. Frustrating."
Like great sex, darkness makes us lose control. It taps into some of the oldest
fears and fantasies of the human animal. So for many of us, when the sun goes down,
the cock crows. That Sinatra song is, after all, called "Strangers in the Night,"
not "Strangers in the Bright." So even if you're the kind of bloke who loves to
ogle, give dicking in the dark a try. At the very least, you'll save on your
And if your date is a nooner? Well, there are always blindfolds.
Want to throw a sex party but have no idea where to begin? Do you want to go to a
sex party but have no idea what to expect? Well in Simon's latest book
Sex Parties 101 just published
he gives you all the answers. Whether you've ever been to a sex party,
or hosted a barbecue-cum-orgy in your backyard, this nuts-and-bolts guide to the ins, outs,
ups, downs, tops, bottoms, and everything (and everyone) in between is a must-have!
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Order your copy before the party season starts.
Simon's latest book of gay stories is
In Deep: And Other Stories a new collection of intense erotic
gay fiction. It features a gay vampire story to end all gay vampire stories, a raunchy Western
tale that would have John Wayne riding a little snug in his saddle, and an in-your-face and
up-your-arse retelling of the story of the Garden of Eden (and this time it is all
about Adam and Steve). You can order it online from
Raunch fans will also enjoy
Kinkorama: Dispatches From the Front Lines of Perversion in which he chronicles a first-person exploration of extreme sex from glory holes
and three-ways to stronger scenes like S/M play and leather contests. Simon focuses a clear eye on what
makes us squirm, sweat, and shiver, revealing a host of sometimes shocking, often hilarious,
but always arousing scenarios of all kinds of gay sex. The book is available direct from
ShopGay. For an OutUK interview with Simon click here.
Simon is the co-editor of
Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power and editor of
Hotter Than Hell. You can e-mail him at OutUK.