SPEAKING OF DILDOS

"I don't know why some people look down on using dildos," says one anally oriented guy. "When you do it right, playing with toys is, after all, safe and lots of fun."

Plenty of tops like dildos, too. "As I get older, I find that condoms make it tougher for me to stay hard when I'm screwing someone," says a middle-aged man. "With a toy, I can work a guy's hole as long and hard as he likes. And I can work him from both ends simultaneously, sliding a dildo up his butt while my dick is in his mouth. Plus, I can go get a beer and still keep him filled."

And then there are those kinky folks who simply get off on shoving foreign objects - sometimes, big, thick foreign objects - up other men's behinds. It's an erotic moment than can seem dominating, even degrading, or can, conversely, be all about providing pleasure to another guy.

The delightful dildo works well for solo sex, too. Many men with anal appetites find plastic pricks to be marvellous masturbation pals. "I can get my favorite toy to hit my prostate just right," says one satisfied user. "That's more than I can say for most of my sex partners."

Many devoted dildo fans build up a collection of constructed cocks, often in increasing sizes and girths. Consumer capitalism being what it is, dildos come in a dizzying array of shapes, sizes, colors, and materials. And, as with other purchases, a bit of research and budget-stretching can pay off in the end. Soft rubber jobbies can be hard to keep clean, while vinyl models are easier to wash, but stiffer. To many men's tastes, top-of-the-line silicone dicks are just firm enough, with a pleasantly smooth surface, and they can be sterilized by boiling them in water.

(Whatever dildo you choose, make sure it has balls or a base, so it can't slip all the way in and get lost up there. And dinguses stiffened with a can-hurt-you metal wire or shaft are strictly a no-no.)

Unlike latex-sheathed cocks, most dildos can be safely slicked up with oils and greasy lubes. But if flesh-penis fucking is also on the menu, globs of stray grease or a Crisco-basted butt present a big breakage risk to rubbers. And you should never, ever share toys during a scene unless you wrap them in a fresh condom every time, or clean them scrupulously between uses.

Regardless, the vast majority of queer men would agree that dildo maintenance is a lot simpler than the care and feeding of a boyfriend. Dildos are never late for a date, and after you've come, they don't insist on boring you with chitchat about their annoying flatmate or their new computer.

So bring on those ever-ready shafts of passion. Remember: It's not an imitation anything. It's a real dildo.

Simon Sheppard

Now here's your chance to meet the man behind this column. OutUK has an interview with Simon Sheppard or you can take a look at some of his books that are currently available:

       

Looking for something very sexy and just as smart? Man on Man collects the best and hottest gay sex writing by Simon, who is also co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power as well as a collection of gay erotica called Hotter Than Hell.

In KINKORAMA : Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion he takes readers behind the unmarked doors and black vinyl curtains that lead to the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. There are also stories of bears in Tales from the Bear Cult: Beat Bear Stories from the Best Magazines.