SPEAKING OF UNWELCOME ERECTIONS

First, there's avoidance of stimuli. Sean could end his relationship with his erection-producing boyfriend, but that hardly seems reasonable. And the man who complains, "Every time I look at a man's crotch, I get hard," can stop looking, but how likely is that?

There's also the possibility of getting in some pre-date chicken choking, thereby lessening the reaction (however temporarily) when with Mr. Wood-producer. And, hey, a quick wank is always fun, right? Just pay attention and avoid a There's Something About Mary incident. There's also concealment. It's easier today to hide an errant stiffy with baggy skater-boy pants than it was in the days when skin-tight jeans were all the rage. Oversized, untucked shirts can work, too, if they suit your fashion image. But it's what you wear under your pants that can make the real difference. While tight underwear or a sturdy jockstrap won't keep a dick from getting hard, it will direct it upward against the belly, where it can throb less obtrusively. Spandex bicycle shorts are particularly adept at dick control. Rubber fetishwear shorts do the job, too, and are way kinky to boot. Of course, comfort counts. Boner-binding underwear shouldn't produce any more pain more than you'd get from standard blue balls. Watch out for chafing. And remember that rubber undies don't breathe, so they'll make you sweat and may produce jock itch as well.

There's another possible solution: the "Slut Option." While only hardcore exhibitionists want to strut around proceeded by intrusive erections, sporting a semi-perceptible woody is no crime. If concealment's not totally effective, it might be just as well to get beyond embarrassment. After all, half the human race gets erections, and most of the other half is at least reluctantly tolerant of male lust. What Sean was reluctant to say to his boyfriend boils down to, "You turn me on so much, you hot stud," and that's something that, let's face of it, most of us would love to hear. And if a man with a bulge in his khakis seems sex-obsessed, well, most of us are sex-obsessed and we might just as well fess up to the fact.

In time, the average 21-year-old sex machine may become a middle-aged man asking his doctor about Viagra. So, while the satyr with a stiffy might not want to sport it in the Communion line, there's a time and place for everything. Boner-boy might wear supportive underwear, not rub up against strangers on a bus, but otherwise just relax and enjoy the ride. And who else would notice the bulge, unless they were cruising crotches, the pervs?

Simon Sheppard

Now here's your chance to meet the man behind this column. OutUK has an interview with Simon Sheppard or you can take a look at some of his books that are currently available:

       

Looking for something very sexy and just as smart? Man on Man collects the best and hottest gay sex writing by Simon, who is also co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power as well as a collection of gay erotica called Hotter Than Hell.

In KINKORAMA : Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion he takes readers behind the unmarked doors and black vinyl curtains that lead to the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. There are also stories of bears in Tales from the Bear Cult: Beat Bear Stories from the Best Magazines.