SPEAKING OF JOINING IN | |
| "So I went to my first sex party," a hot-but-shy young guy says, "but, though there were a lot of men already fooling around with one another, I couldn't figure out just how to join in." | |
| Well, whether at a private party, a commercial sex club, a sauna, or just a gathering of very horny friends, group activities are of the erotic essence. Sure, guys may pair off or form little clusterfucks, but the social structure is fluid…in more ways than one. |
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Still, if you're one of the watchers hovering around a scene and have a hankering to
join on in, don't just assume it's OK for you to insert yourself in the action. Maybe,
maybe not. You'll never know till you try, of course. But that's no excuse to act like a
crude sex maniac. Please, act like a refined sex maniac. Be bold, but mannerly. (And
if you are accepted in, don't hog the action. As one longtime orgier puts it, "There
are some men who just don't know how to politely take yes for an answer.")
So let's say you spot Mr. Right fucking around with Mr. Right Too. And you want to be the third (or fourth, or 16th) in the scene. What to do? Try lessening the distance between you and the players and wait - preferably with hard-on in hand - to be noticed and invited in. Or get personal: catch the eye of one of the guys and wait for a welcoming gesture. "Before I join a group," says one sex clubber, "I wait for a sign that someone wants my arse. Of course, I don't wait too long." So if you're still on the outside looking in, get even closer, dick extended invitingly, and see if anyone makes a move. Or actually ask: boldly say the words "You guys mind if I join in?" and see what happens. And if nothing happens? Screw up your courage, try the really direct approach and get physical. Extend a tentative hand toward one of the guys. Don't go straight for the cock; we're being charmingly sophisticated, remember? Try stroking a shoulder, or lightly squeezing an accessible nipple. Be forthright, but not grabby, and then wait for an encouraging sign. If you sense any reluctance, back off till you get clearer signals. If you get pushed away, verbally or physically, don't argue or insist. Back off. Sure, it takes a certain amount of self-confidence to risk rejection. And if you're turned away by a bunch of guys already getting it on, especially where other men can see it happen, it can sting. But not everyone is everyone else's cup of cum. Not even you. Be of good cheer, or at least don't sulk. There are other guys at the party, remember - like those other men standing there watching, too, the ones with the great, hairy chests and the dripping cocks. For example, there's a guy right next to you, with time - and most likely dick - on his hands. Try him. Or the tempting twink over there sucking on the bear. Or the threesome on the sofa; maybe they'd like a fourth. There are lots of opportunities about. As our sex clubber notes, "A group of guys having sex inevitably attracts more men. And it's wonderful when the action opens up so you can join the flow. Nothing in the world feels better than wading into a sea of hard-ons." So act like a well-brought-up fella, explore your options with polite persistence, and you're just about sure to get it on…and get off.
Simon SheppardSan Francisco artist and activist Simon Sheppard is best known for his contributions to the erotic literary scene. He wrote hundreds of stories that appeared in S/M magazines; erotic anthologies; and over twenty editions of Best Gay Erotica and Best American Erotica. His Sextalk column has appeared on OutUK for more than 20 years. You can find out more about Simon Sheppard in this OutUK feature and tribute, or take a look at some of his many books that are still available:
Looking for something very sexy and just as smart? Man on Man collects the best and hottest gay sex writing by Simon, who is also co-editor of Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power as well as a collection of gay erotica called Hotter Than Hell. In KINKORAMA : Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion he takes readers behind the unmarked doors and black vinyl curtains that lead to the sometimes shocking, often hilarious, relentlessly arousing scenarios of extreme sex. There are also stories of bears in Tales from the Bear Cult: Beat Bear Stories from the Best Magazines. | |
