SPEAKING OF SURPRISES
Sexual surprises can be as much fun as an unexpected birthday party, or as unpleasant
as finding a bag of dog poop on the doorstep. Either way, though, they at least keep
booty from being boring.
One easygoing erotic explorer recalls, "I was in bed with this butch new guy, when
he excused himself for a minute, then came back with his muscular legs stuffed into
pantyhose. I was a bit nonplussed, and cross-dressing's not something I'm into. But
after a few seconds, I figured, 'What the hell?' and went on playing. It turned out
to be kind of hot, actually."
That's the sort of unexpected event that can either lend spice to sex or derail
it completely. Sometimes non-negotiated twists and turns can be a bit nastier, as
was the case when a leather top took a new bottomboy to a play party. "I really
don't like resistance scenes, where the bottom fights back and it's my job to get
him in line," the leathermaster says. "So there I was in front of some buddies,
tying this guy up. Suddenly he began thrashing around wildly, not letting me do
what we'd arranged. I wasn't sure whether it was his idea of hot bottoming or
whether he was just on some weird trip, but either way I was having none of it.
I just took my ropes and walked away."
Then there are truly unpleasant shocks, such as the realisation that an encounter
has left you with an STD or a case of crabs. But many - maybe most - surprises are
pleasant ones: the size queen whose conquest is huge where it counts, or the fellow
who seems like an uptight prude till a dick in his ass turns him into a libidinal lion.
Some of the best surprises can be preplanned. One considerate lover recalls, "My boyfriend
had been asking me to fuck him with a dildo, something I wasn't all that into. But for his
birthday I bought a really nice one and wrapped it up in ribbons. Needless to say,
the post-cake celebration was a whole lot of fun, for me as well as for him."
Certainly, sexual surprises can keep long-term relationships from going stale.
"Surprise, honey! I'm versatile after all!" can be a delightful detour from well-rutted
rutting routes. But even the best-intentioned bolt from the blue might be unwelcome:
Before your boyfriend awakes to find your lips on his dick, make sure he's not the
sort who gets unpleasantly grumpy when disturbed mid-dream.
If you're the one doing the surprising, consideration and a good gauging of the
other guy are important. Don't veer off onto the bypaths of booty unless there's
at least a good chance that your partner will enjoy the new direction.
And if you're the one taken by surprise? Well, going with the flow is often a great
idea. Some men are so set in their ways - and so particular about their desires - that
any deviation from what they thought would happen is cause for carnal disappointment.
Their loss. But don't be so desperate for dick that you let yourself in for a rotten time.
Be flexible but smart. If the mild-seeming man you brought home from the bar turns out to
be into heavy-duty spanking and you'd rather not be whacked, let him know in no uncertain terms.
With any luck, the twists and turns of life will lead to delightful discoveries below
the belt. You may discover that you're a lot kinkier than you'd thought - or not as
twisted as you'd hoped. And you may find love and fulfillment in the most unlikely places.
Surprise! May the unexpected keep you fresh, hard, and horny.
Want to throw a sex party but have no idea where to begin? Do you want to go to a
sex party but have no idea what to expect? Well in Simon's latest book
Sex Parties 101 just published
he gives you all the answers. Whether you've ever been to a sex party,
or hosted a barbecue-cum-orgy in your backyard, this nuts-and-bolts guide to the ins, outs,
ups, downs, tops, bottoms, and everything (and everyone) in between is a must-have!
Just think--no more boring
Order your copy before the party season starts.
Simon's latest book of gay stories is
In Deep: And Other Stories a new collection of intense erotic
gay fiction. It features a gay vampire story to end all gay vampire stories, a raunchy Western
tale that would have John Wayne riding a little snug in his saddle, and an in-your-face and
up-your-arse retelling of the story of the Garden of Eden (and this time it is all
about Adam and Steve). You can order it online from
Raunch fans will also enjoy
Kinkorama: Dispatches From the Front Lines of Perversion in which he chronicles a first-person exploration of extreme sex from glory holes
and three-ways to stronger scenes like S/M play and leather contests. Simon focuses a clear eye on what
makes us squirm, sweat, and shiver, revealing a host of sometimes shocking, often hilarious,
but always arousing scenarios of all kinds of gay sex. The book is available direct from
ShopGay. For an OutUK interview with Simon click here.
Simon is the co-editor of
Rough Stuff: Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power and editor of
Hotter Than Hell. You can e-mail him at OutUK.