James Connor can answer all your questions on gay relationships, sex, health and love. James is founder of the website www.freshsx.com and his new DVD label has just released it's first movie featuring James in action. It's available now from the OutUK online store ShopGay. The opinions he gives in Ask James are based on his experiences as a gay man who enjoys all aspects of love and sex. He's not a qualified doctor, trained counsellor or therapist but his advice is like that of a close friend. The Ask James Archive has loads of questions and answers featured in previous editions of the column. Ask James

This Week - Windy sex, Sucking STDs and How can I try gay sex

John gets wind of this: Hi James, I am new to the gay scene. I have a question that might seem stupid, but here goes. I am afraid when I am with someone that I may accidently let off wind while we are into it. It happened once and now it is constantly on my mind. Can I alter my diet just before (or a few days before) meeting someone? Before meeting someone I always use an enema, and rarely eat that day. It doesn't seem to be enough. Any suggestions?

James says: Hi John, fear of sex is something that a lot of people suffer from. Fear of not performing well, fear of it hurting, fear of not being able to cum, or like you, fear of farting during sex.

There are many fears and they usually come from having experienced it before and this leads to a fear of it happening again. Many times of course it doesn't happen again but the danger is that the fear that it may happen again can actually lead to less enjoyment from sex and sometimes this can lead to serious pyschological problems.

Try not to worry too much about it. I was doing a shoot once for FreshSX and I was rimming my partner who was bending right down on my face and after 30 seconds he just let out a massive fart right into my face. All the crew were laughing and we had to stop for about 5 minutes to calm down but it happened and we had to get on with it!

Some gay men do have issues with the fact that a bottom is a bottom! The main biological function of the anus is to go to the toilet and therefore gas from the bottom is normal as is the fact that the anus cannot always be 100% clean.

Before having sex it is nice to feel you won't fart during sex and that you will be clean BUT if it does happen then don't worry too much. It does help if you are with a considerate partner as well although some partners are not so nice when it comes to these issues! Try and choose a nice guy to have sex with!!!

One of the reasons for farting is that during sex air can be introduced from the movement and the air has to get out somehow. After having sex you may also find you fart more and that is because the sphincter, the muscles that control the opening of the anus, are more relaxed and therefore can let air out more easily. If you practice your Kegel exercises, which we have discussed many times on here before, this will definitely help!

Air can also get into your system through the digestive system so drinking quickly, drinking fizzy drinks, smoking, chewing gum or sucking sweets can all introduce air into your system. Also eating foods such as beans, potatoes, corn, wheat, onions, dark beer and red wine is known to produce more gas in the intestine which again can come out of your bottom as a fart so avoid eating these foods if possible.

Sugars such as sorbital which is found in apples, pears, peaches and prunes can also cause gas to form and remember that sorbitol is also used in gum and sweets as well. Try avoiding these foods the day you have anal sex and see if it helps.

Neil needs some advice: James, Can you get STDs from being sucked? What about if you do the sucking?

James replies: In a nutshell, YES! You can get all kinds of STD's from sucking and from being sucked!

If you are sucked by someone then you can get Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, non-specific urethritis, Herpes and Syphilis. Now if you are the one who sucks then you can get Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis A, HPV (warts), Shigella and Syphilis. Theoretically you could also be at risk of catching Herpes, Hepatitis B and HIV although the risks are considered to be very low but all the same the risk is there even if it is very low.

So as you can see you are not safe from STD's from being sucked or from sucking so if you are a sexually active man then get regular check ups at an STD clinic. All the STD's listed here are treatable and can be got rid of (except HIV), but of course you need to know you have an STD first. It is always a good idea to have the Hepatitis vaccines no matter what.

If you want to be ultra safe with sucking then you can use a condom - they make flavoured ones for this but many guys just don't find it sexy at all to suck with a condom! Condoms are an absolute must for anal sex - there are no excuses for fucking without condoms anymore and the message is very simple - fucking without a condom is very high risk.

However sucking without condoms is quite different as you would only really be likely to catch STD's that are quite easily curable so the dangers to your long term health are much lower than if you were to fuck without a condom and expose yourself to the HIV virus which is still an incurable illness and will affect your long term health.

Pete asks: I am married to a woman, but I have always wanted to try sex with a guy. I don't want to leave her, but would like to see what gay sex is like. I've thought about escorts, but don't know if I can trust them with my secret. What do you suggest?

James answers: Hi Pete, I don't really see that you would have to leave your wife just to try out gay sex. It is perfectly plausible that you could stay with her and at the same time have a gay sexual encounter. Of course the first time you have gay sex is going to be quite nerve-racking so it may be a good idea to do it with an escort as they have a lot of experience and can help you to relax and actually enjoy yourself.

It is going to be a good idea to choose an escort that you like physically and also to speak on the phone as well. That way you can find out if he is the kind of person you can relax with. Most escorts are very professional and therefore you wouldn't have to worry about your secret.

Also remember that the escort doesn't have to know you are married, you only need to say that you haven't had sex with many men. That way your secret is just a secret for you and no one else, although I do think you do need to consider the relationship you have with your wife. What is going to be her reaction to all this, and should you tell her what you are considering. But that, to be honest, is another question and whole different answer.


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