James Connor can answer all your questions on gay relationships, sex, health and love. James is founder of the
website www.freshsx.com and his new DVD label has
just released it's first movie featuring James in action. It's available now from the OutUK
online store ShopGay. The opinions he gives in Ask James are based on his experiences as a gay man who enjoys all
love and sex. He's not a qualified doctor, trained counsellor or therapist but his advice is like that of a close
The Ask James Archive has loads of questions and answers
featured in previous editions of the column.
This Week - Nipple play, Tasting your own and Looking at boyz
Rhys goes tits up: James, I have become more focussed on nipples in the last few years and enjoy tit play particularly leading up to sex and also whilst I am being blown or fucked. My nipples were never big unlike some that are like hat pegs, and a guy I met introduced me to nipple suckers. I have now trained and pumped my nips and they are definitely larger than before even when not aroused. Now, as you know some guys are blessed with really sensitive buds and you only have to touch them and their cocks get stiff. As they say they are 'wired in' directly to their dicks. Now whilst I do get sensations in mine this is never as extreme as this. My question is - do you know of any way of increasing the sensations and do you have any suggestions by which I can get my nips more wired up? Is it in fact biology or is it a case of training your mind. Cheers
James says: Hi there, well you can't really heighten sensitivity in any part of your body without working on it mentally. Sensations are controlled by nerves in the body and some things can make us more sensitive, such as some drugs, but at the end of the day we are either more or less sensitive in some parts of our body than others.
You can make your nipples larger by using clamps and stuff and some people say that they do become more sensitive the more you play with them but this might purely be down to the fact that they like it already, and are tuning in their brain to enjoy it even more.
I would say that this is a case of do what feels good for you and enjoy it, experiment with it, talk with other guys of similar interests and ask how they find it and generally let your mind be open to this and enjoy the discovery.
Jon asks if you can cum up with an answer: James, I love to jack off all of the time. I am curious about the taste of sperm and wonder if it is alright for me to swallow my own. This seems to be my only choice as no-one knows I am gay yet and I'm not going to be able to come out for a few more months, when I go away to Uni.
James replies: Hi Jon, yes it is fine to taste your own sperm. It has nothing in it that can do you any harm and as it came from you then you aren't going to catch anything from it!
You should remember though that when you do start dating other guys for sex that taking sperm in your mouth does have a very small risk of HIV infection and so it is always best to either spit it out real quick or swallow it quickly. Anything bad in your partner's sperm will be killed in your stomach by the acids present.
Don't clean your teeth vigourously before or after sex, as you could cause abrasions in your mouth, and use some mouthwash after oral sex whenever you can or just wash out with plenty of water.
Darren wants to know: Is it normal for my boyfriend to look at other guys (nudes of beautiful men) on the internet if we are committed to being and staying monogamous? Or is it a sign that he is bored with the relationship and may cheat? There is no other signs that we are not extremely close and happy together. Do most all gay guys like to look?
James answers: Hi Darren, yes I would say that it is perfectly normal. Even if you are in a relationship it doesn't mean that you have to shut off all your feelings towards sex. It is part of human nature that we are attracted to sexy men (or women, or both!) and so even in a relationship why shouldn't we continue to look at beautiful men!
Yes, there is the fact that our partner may get jealous from this and there is also the issue that like you they may feel that we are bored with them and are looking for someone else but most of the time this is not the case. If your partner looks at pictures of sexy men online he isn't exactly arranging to meet them for sex is he? He is only looking and there can't be anything wrong with that!
Why don't you talk about the guys with him? If there is a guy you like then say that he is sexy and you may find that by opening a dialogue you can find out what he thinks about this as well as maybe increasing the fun in your own sex life by understanding each other more.
Try not to be jealous and just realise that it is ok and normal to be interested in looking at other guys and try not to worry about it. Also try and talk to him about this so that it is all put into context.
Some guys after being together some time have open relationships but this is much more complicated to manage as you then have to deal with the fact that either of you or both of you are sleeping with other guys and that can be difficult especially if you are prone to jealousy or begin to have feelings that he will meet someone else and leave you. For an open relationship to work it really does have to be done in a very trusting way so that it actually builds and makes your relationship stronger although it is not easy and a lot of people find the thought of being in an open relationship very difficult.