This Week - Threesomes, Rough Sex and My guy's an escort

Daniel has three issues: Hi James, my partner and I enjoy threesomes but don't know how to initiate them when out. We don't like to do it around our area as we don't want a bad name - but where and how can we experiment more? We are a young couple and find that saunas can be a little sleazy, and we find it dificult in bars as it can be too personal. Please help!

James says: Hi Daniel, well some couples do enjoy having 3-somes however others lead totally monogamous relationships so this is not really the easiest kind of thing to ask someone you have never met before!

Yes, you could try and meet guys in a club or a bar although you would have to be quite clever in the way you phrased it. It would probably be best if you were to start chatting to a guy first, then get the topic onto 3-somes and see his reaction. If he isn't shocked then you could suggest having a 3-some with you and your boyfriend.

You say you find saunas sleazy but then you are looking to have sex with someone and your partner, so that is a little sleazy in itself. Also saunas are places where you go for sex and that is exactly what you and your boyfriend are looking for, so maybe you should reconsider your opinions on saunas. Try a different place, you may find somewhere else more to your liking.

You also say that you don't want to do it in your local area as you don't want to get a bad reputation! You know you shouldn't worry too much about what other people say about you. It's your life and at the end of the day do you really want friends or aquaintainces who are only interested in gossipping about your private life anyway?

Why not have a go at meeting guys online? You can post a profile on OutUK in the OutThere section or go to one of the many chat sites who have loads of guys online looking for sex. Each profile states what they are looking for and many guys say they are interested in meeting up with gay male couples for sex. At least that way you would be able to tell immediately if they were interested in the idea of 3-somes and also you would know where they lived!

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Jack nails us with this: I have discovered that my husband doesn't like to take it as vigorously as I like to give it. I don't mean frequency or length of time. When I am the top, I like to be rough. I earned the nickname Jackhammer among a few fuck buddies I used to have. My partner doesn't like that. I don't want to hurt him -- problem is, if I am on top (and I need to be sometimes), I just can't get off if I'm being slow and gentle the way he likes it.

James replies: Hi Jack, some guys have more sensation in their dicks than others and I think this is maybe why you like to have harder sex as it provides you with more stimulation. You say you don't get off if you are slow and gentle so that would indicate that you require more stimulation. Have you talked about this with your partner?

It may also be an idea for him to practice strengthening the muscles in his ass by exercising his kegel muscles. To do this get him to go for a pee and then stop the flow by using the muscles in his ass. Once he has discovered where these muscles are then he can exercise them while not peeing. If he becomes good at this then he can also use the muscles while you are having sex and this makes it much more stimulating for you as there is more tension and more feeling for you.


You should also remember that if you want to be a little harder in sex then you should make sure you use a good silicon based lubricant, such as Eros. If you don't use enough lubricant then sex can be uncomfortable and by using a silicon based one it won't dry out as quickly as a water based lube and therefore you won't need to keep reapplying it so often.

Maybe you could also practice different techniques while wanking and fucking and get used to being fast sometimes and then slower other times. You may become used to it and your partner will enjoy sex more with you. You could also try using thinner condoms. In the past it was recommended that gay men use extra-thick condoms however now it is widely accepted that any condom with the kite mark on it is safe for anal sex. By using an established brand's thinner condom you will have more sensation from sex and maybe you won't have to pound your partner quite so hard!

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David asks: I'm 25 and I've been dating a 19-year-old for almost two years. (We met when he was 18.) When we first started dating, he confessed that he used to trick for cash. That was a shock, and it took a while for me to accept it as something "in his past." Recently he went away with some of his friends for a week, with my blessing. A few days after he left, I turned on my computer (which he uses) to find that his e-mail account logs on automatically. I resisted the urge to snoop for more than two days, but I finally caved and read an e-mail from a personals site where he had posted an ad that said he would be looking for cash while he was away. So what should I do? I know I shouldn't have looked at his emails, but I have, and now I can't deal with what I know. Please help.

James answers: Hi David, well the simple answer to this is that you shouldn't have read his emails, and this anguish you are going through is really your fault! But you did, so now you have to decide what to do!

If you knew that he was doing some part time escort work in the past then I guess you shouldn't be too surprised that he is still doing it sometimes. Maybe the best thing to do would be to explain what happened, say you are sorry that you read his emails and then talk with him about this.

You should ask how often he does this and why he is doing it. He is probably doing it occasionally to get a bit more cash. Maybe he is doing it as well so he can have a better life with you? As you have been together a while you should be able to discuss this and find out the reasons behind it. Explain to him how it makes you feel and see what his reaction is.

Go carefully though and don't condemn him with the things you say. Try to understand the situation from his point of view, and maybe then he'll make an effort to see it from your side too. It's worth the effort if you love him.

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