This Week - Straight Guys, Fisting and Not being sure

theman asks a straight question: James, I have a nice looking straight friend whom I would love to have oral sex with. Can you tell me the best way for me to get him to have sex with me. I go to his apartment a lot. What things can I do to get him to want to have sex with me?

James says: Well you can't force someone to have sex with you, so all you can really do is find out if he wants to have sex with you or not!

It's not a matter of what you want, it's a matter of what you BOTH want. Maybe you can try and ask him some questions about the sex he has had in the past and if he ever found guys attractive, and see how he replies.

From the answers he gives you, you can then try and work out if you think he is interested in having sex with you. As you say you think he is straight you shouldn't be surprised if he doesn't want to though. And the last thing you want to do is throw yourself on top of him, only to have his girlfriend walk in or something, so be clever, ask some good questions and see where it goes!

But please remember - NO from him, means NO!

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Zack gets a tight grip with this: Hi James, I have always vowed that I would never do fisting, each to his own I know. One of my buddies has recently admitted that he loves it and wants me to do it to him. He knows that I am nervous about it and I am flying blind and need information as I have always avoided it. I know it's not the most popular of fetishes but I would like to help him out as he has helped me in the past. Thanks.

James replies: Well as with the last question, you should never be forced in sex, or into doing anything in sex that you don't want to. You shouldn't really just fist this guy because he has helped you in the past! I am sure he can get other guys to 'help him out' with this, if you actually don't want to!

If you really are interested and want to do this with him then there is some basic advice to remember. If you are unhappy with the idea, then just don't get involved.

Fisting needs to be done carefully, and as your friend knows what he is doing, you should listen to his advice. He will need to be completely relaxed and great trust between both of you is also needed. It is a good idea to have a safe word that can be used if either want to stop and it is best to choose an unusual word that wouldn't normally be used in such a situation, such as 'ostrich'.

If you are going to do fisting then you should make sure you have some gloves as infection can be transmitted. You will need to get some special gloves for this and not use the ones you use for the washing up! Again your friend should be more clued up on this. And you also need to use quite a lot of lube for fisting although a lot of guys who are into it use crisco which they do sell in some sex shops.

Water based lubes, such as K Y Jelly and Elbow Grease dry out very quickly and are therefore not so good. Aqueous cream is a very good lubricant but you need to be warned as this does contain oil, hence why it is such a good lubricant, and therefore it will rot rubber and condoms.

The best thing, as I say, is to take the advice of your friend as he will know what he is doing and will also take control as happens with fisting, as it is the person being fisted who needs to say what to do, when to go on and when to slow down.

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bomberman just doesn't know: Hi James, I am in my late teens at the moment. I think I might be gay ... but I don't know for sure. The problem is that there are no clear signals either way; with guys I get a weird gut feeling; but with girls I sometimes just get a hard on sitting next to them (but not the same kind of chemistry). Also when I am with a girl despite having a hard on I get this weird anxious sickness. Is this just nervousness about not having had sex yet, or what? Please help.

James answers: You know being gay doesn't just happen and there are a lot of decisions to be made before deciding if you are gay and deciding if you are ready to come out.

If you have feelings for guys then this could mean you are gay but if you have feelings for girls too then you could also be bisexual. Try not to worry too much about it as you will find out soon enough.

The main way you find out is through sex as if you are gay then you will find sex with men much more stimulating than with women. I think you will find that it will all fit into place as soon as you begin to discover your sexuality but try not to worry about it and try not to think too much about where you fit at the moment.

If you need to talk through some of the issues with someone then why not join one of the gay chat sites and chat with gay guys on there, or you could try calling one of the gay helplines like the London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard (www.llgs.org.uk). Their telephone number is 0300 330 0630.

Whatever you do, take your time, and stop making assumptions about your life that may or may not be true. Give yourself a chance for things to work themselves through naturally, and you'll soon find out what you really want in your life.

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