James Connor can answer all your questions on gay relationships, sex, health and love. James is founder of the
website www.freshsx.com and his new DVD label has
just released it's first movie featuring James in action. It's available now from the OutUK
online store ShopGay. The opinions he gives in Ask James are based on his experiences as a gay man who enjoys all
love and sex. He's not a qualified doctor, trained counsellor or therapist but his advice is like that of a close
The Ask James Archive has loads of questions and answers
featured in previous editions of the column.
This Week - Young and sensitive, Masturbation and Precum
eBoogaloo asks: Dear James, I would like to ask for your help. I am sixteen, and have a problem with my sexuality. I'm just confused because I have been having some emotions for another gay boy in my class, he is a friend as well. I have recently been having thoughts about him and have been talking regularly to him on an instant messaging program with mindless chatter. I am just confused about my sexuality. I've never taken to girls, although many of my friends are girls, and whenever I try to tell them something like this I can never pluck up the courage to do it. I have it in my mind what to say but can never express it. I get taunted, but it doesn't affect me, about how girly I am, although I am a person who likes to keep their skin in good condition, and try to keep up with fashion, gossip, and of course Desparate Housewives. Can you please help me, I just want to know whether you think I might be gay and what things I should do.
James says: Hey, you shouldn't worry about these issues at all as you are still very young. Realising that you are gay or straight or bisexual will take time, and during that time you will slowly discover what you want to do with your life!
Many people when they are 16 do not fully know what they want, so you need to give yourself the opportunity to see how your feelings develop. It is possible to be attracted to boys and girls, as well as boys or girls, so you really do have to give yourself plenty of time to decide what you prefer and what is right for you.
It is important to realise that just because you take an interest in fashion or like to watch Desperate Housewives doesn't mean you are gay! Likewise guys who only like playing football and drinking beer are not necessarily going to all be straight! Life just isn't that simple and we don't all fit into society's little boxes of stereotypes!
If you really do like this boy then you can try and take it a bit further by talking about your feelings and emotions to him and see how he responds. Just take it slowly, don't blurt it all out at once and judge things by the responses you get.
Before you do anything though, you might like to contact your local youth service who can probably put you in touch with someone you can chat to in confidence. Just ring your local council and ask for the Youth Service and see if they have any free advice centres. Above all stop worrying! You have plenty of time to work things out, and don't feel pressured into doing something your not sure of. Oh and just in case make sure you always use a condom if you do decide to experiment.
nowhee is worried: Hi James, if a person tries to have masturbation three times a day could it affect his health, and could he become a sex maniac? Does he grow thinner, or lose weight?
James replies: Well there was an old wives tale that said too much masturbation would make you go blind! And of course that is not based on any element of truth whatsoever! As for growing thinner or losing weight from masturbation, that has no medical standing either. Neither are you likely to become a sex maniac ... whatever that is!
All these negative and rather scandalistic views of what may happen from masturbation have come about through history as a reaction against sex and sexuality and are due to the repressive nature of society in previous centuries. Nowadays we accept that masturbation is a normal part of everyday life and is a healthy activity.
Masturbation is important in releasing old sperm from the body and it can lead to a relaxed sensation, can cause people to sleep better, can stop you having wet dreams and can also prevent embarrasing erections at the wrong time!
Of course if you are masturbating so much that your dick is sore and painful then it would indicate you are going at it a little too much but as long as you don't do yourself any harm then stop worrying. Masturbation is a normal part of life so learn to enjoy it but don't forget to use some lube when you wank to prevent your skin getting dry!!
Nick is worried: Hi, I have very little precum. Could you tell me is this normal, and is there anyway I can increase my amount of precum? Should I be worried?
James answers: Hi Nick, there is not really any way in which you can control the amount of precum you produce as it mainly comes down to the individual and the fact that some guys just produce more precum than others! You will also notice that if you are really horny then you will produce more precum that at times when you are not so horny.
Another factor can be to do with the amount of sperm you produce. Guys who maturbate a lot, for example 2 or 3 times a day, can notice that they produce less ejaculate than they would like. This can also have an effect on the amount of precum they produce as well. Sometimes not always.
If you cum a lot then you may like to try holding off a bit to let your body produce more sperm and then you may also see an increase in the amount of precum you produce. If you don't then it is not really something to worry about as it may just be that you don't produce very much precum anyway! Everyone is different it is what makes life so interesting.