This Week - Choosing lube, Sweaty armpits and Str8 friends

Jez slides in with this: Is baby oil and Vaseline safe to use for lube in anal sex ? Or should you stay with water base lube? I like the feel with Vaseline and it seems to stay slick longer but I've read you shouldn't use it?

James says: Hi Jez, no you must never use baby oil or Vaseline for anal sex when using condoms as the oil makes it much easier for the condom to break.

If you are in a long lasting monogamous relationship and you have both decided not to use condoms then yes you could use baby oil or Vaseline if you prefer, but if you use condoms for anal sex then you should only ever use properly designed lube for sex.

The water based lubes can be ok but they don't last very long and you do need to keep applying more during sex. If you want something that stays slick longer then why not try the silicone based lubes? They are totally condom safe and will last for much longer. Two of the most popular with gay guys are Eros or Pjur. Lube XXX is also becoming quite popular, it smells nice too which all adds to the overall experience.

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James is getting in a sweat: Hi James, my boyfriend is really into having his armpits licked. That's okay with me, but the trouble is that he's often sweaty and smelly there. To prevent this he shaves himself and soaps himself up, but pretty soon after getting back in bed with him and he's getting worked up, he's sweaty again. This is a major turnoff for me. When he senses my hesitation he starts asking me if I am really into him. He even asks me if I'm really gay! How do we overcome this, and is it really that important? He doesn't lick me that much and I don't mind, but I would like to do what pleases him. Surely I am not that weird. He says a man's sweat should turn me on and not off.

James replies: Hi James, well I don't think it is fair to say that sweat should turn you on, as I know for a fact that it wouldn't be a turn on for a lot of guys!

It is a bit of a fetish to be turned on by sweat and it would seem here that one of you likes this fetish more than the other! Have you tried explaining to him that you don't get particularly turned on by sweat and that it is nothing to do with whether or not you might not be gay! Some people sweat more than others and to a lot of people sweat is not an attractive thing!

You could also suggest a few things that can help lessen the problem, such as avoiding pungent foods like onions, garlic, fish and spicy foods, as these can be smelt in sweat and make it more noticable. He has probably tried a lot of different deodorants but he could also try 20% aluminium chloride - ask for it in the pharmacy. They will explain how to use it and he must be careful to follow their instructions as it should be applied with care and in the proper way. It is not to be used every day as it can irritate the skin.

If his problem is really serious then he could also visit his doctor as there are various treatments now for excessive sweating such as botox (yes the stuff injected to get rid of wrinkles) or even surgery to destroy the nerves or removing a section of skin. He is right to shave his armpits as hair holds sweat which then creates the bacteria that causes the smell so tell him to keep doing this!

Don't however allow him to try and convince you that his physical problem is somehow your mental hangup, it is not. He needs to give this issue some attention not pass responsibility for it on to you.

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Josh asks a straight question: Hi James, I am a straight dude who has a buddy that I think is gay. I think he is because he always jokes about it EVERYDAY and when we were younger he used to tell me to do strange stuff like masturbate for him. Please, he is my best friend and I'd like him to know that if he is, I won't be offended by this and he'll still be my best friend.

James answers: Hi Josh, well it would seem that he is certainly gay curious! Any guy who goes on and on about all things gay and likes other guys to wank him off certainly is bisexual.

Maybe he isn't ready to come out as being gay and so allow him time to tell you his feelings when he is good and ready. Maybe he will never come out as being gay to you. This at the end of the day is his choice.

You might also consider yourself why you are interested in gay life too and why you would want to post a question on a gay website about a friend who may be gay when you think of yourself as straight. The simple truth is that human sexuality is not anything like as simple as being gay or straight. Most people find themselves somewhere on a sliding scale between the two and it just so happens that some of us are more gay and others are more straight! You say you are best friends, well talk to each other then, and in a positive supportive way for one another. Your friendship is more important than anything else, and the two of you need to tell each other that, and start to discuss some real life issues.

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