This Week - Younger men, Bottomming and Expectations

Andrew asks: Hi, I am in my forties and I am in a relationship with a 19 year old who is a bodybuilder and avid sportsman. We have are great relationship and the sex is great as you can imagine his body is awesome. However, I am a bit worried because he is always horny. He wants to make it every day and thats great and he wakes up a few times in the night for more sex. I am a bit worried because I feel I may not be enough for him. Sometimes I am tired but I meet his needs anyway, and I do enjoy servicing his body. Am I worrying for no reason?

James says: Hi Andrew, well if this is a worry to you then you need to consider how much of a problem it is.

You recognise that there is an age difference between you and your partner and that he has a very high demand for sex and therefore you should ask him how he feels about it. If he says that the sex is great and he doesn't want more, and you can cope with that, then I don't think you should worry so much!

You really need to be able to be honest with him and ask all about it and see what he says. If he is not ok with the amount of sex he is getting then talk through the issue together and work out a compromise. If he loves you, he may not find it the big issue you do and facing it together is the best way. Stop worrying so much and start to enjoy what is a great position you have found yourself in. You are a lucky guy.

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Sebastian comes up with this: Hi James, my name is Sebastian and the reason I'm here asking this question today is because lately I've been really getting into the scene 'sex' wise. I am most of the time a power bottom. But the thing is, is that so far with every man I've been with I have not once ejaculated during intercourse, and well I really feel like I am being left out or not experiencing the full thrill of an orgasm that a bottom usually gets. Also believe me it isn't that I am not turned on by bottoming because the idea of bottoming for a really hot guy is just a total turn on for me. I think the only time I have ever cum well, having something up my anus, was when a buddy of mine was fingering me, it was the greatest orgasm I had ever had. Do you know what may be wrong with me or how I could fix this?

James replies: Hi, I don't think there is anything wrong with you and the fact you do not usually cum when you are being bottom could be down to several factors.

It may be that you haven't met the right guy yet who really does it for you. Some guys will be a much better match for you sexually than others and it may just be that you didn't find someone yet who can really give you amazing sex which leads you to cum.

There is also the fact that some guys do not always want to cum when they are being bottom and they actually prefer the sensation of being fucked which is much more pleasurable and important to them than the physical act of reaching orgasm. This is actually quite common and so if you are like that then it is nothing to worry about.

Just give it time, don't worry about it and see how you get on as you meet different guys and have new experiences.

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Alex has paid a lot: Hi James, can you help? I recently hired an escort for an hour or so. We spent 20-30 mins talking, having a glass of wine and him visiting the bathroom. When we did get into the bedroom he told me he didn't ever have full sex either way round and didn't ever kiss. He then wanted to charge me for all the time we were together as well as the not very enjoyable sex. I am a guy in my late thirties, good looking who's never had anything like this happen before. Do you think he was being unfair here, and it was just a bad experience, or do all escorts expect to paid for drinking my wine and not providing any sex?

James answers: Hi Alex, what probably happened here is you met someone who was not very interested in meeting with you and just wanted an easy way to make some money.

It would have been advisable to call him first and have a chat about the service he provides to check that he was ok to do the things you were looking for. Most escorts also charge by the hour and this will include time spent talking or drinking wine so be aware of that too.

If you chose to hire an escort then it is not usually going to be the same as meeting someone where money is not involved so it is important to consider exactly what you expect when you are choosing to pay someone money in order for them to have sex with you. For you it will primarily be about the sex, for them the money will be a much more significant factor than the sex, otherwise they wouldn't be doing it.

If you do want to hire escorts in the future then you should try and find one who really loves doing it, rather than one who is just doing it for the money. A few quick questions asked on the phone will allow you to find this out beforehand and you will be able to avoid another encounter similar to the one you describe!

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