This Week - Poppers, Fisting and Should I meet this guy

Curious is curious: Hello James, I want to know what a popper is and when it is used, and its legal status in the UK. Also is it dangerous to use, and what effect does it have on you. Thank you!!

James says: Poppers are the common name for Amyl nitrate, Butyl nitrate and Isobutyl nitrate and they are sold mostly in sex shops and online stores like
ShopGay. They normally come in a small bottle (about the size of your thumb).

When sniffed they give an immediate rush and they are used by people when clubbing or while having sex. The sensation doesn't last that long - usually around a minute or so. The vapour that is released causes your veins and arteries to dilate which results in the blood flowing faster through the heart and the brain. Many people use poppers while being fucked as they can help to relax the anal muscles making anal sex easier and more enjoyable.

There are side effects including headaches, and people with circulatory problems or low blood pressure should not use them. Poppers do not mix well with other stimulants such as coke or ecstasy and they can be very dangerous when used in combination with Viagra. They have also been linked with risky sex, i.e. sex without a condom as people can lose their normal inhibitions.

As for the legal issues in the UK they are legally sold as room odourisers, but in other countries like the US they are described as Video Headcleaners with no reference to their real use. If you are going to use them then be aware of the risks, particularly what I mentioned about mixing them with other drugs, and be careful not to take them too much or too often!

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Tom clenches tight with this: I recently have become curious about getting fisted. I really want to try it, so my boyfriend and I have purchased some rather large toys to get me ready for the challenge. Only thing is my boyfriend has not been as much into fucking me afterwards because they make me too loose. By doing those Kagle exercises you often mention will that tighten me up again, or should I stop now before he falls in? LOL!

James replies: Hi Tom, yes you really need to get working on those muscles as that is a great way of keeping yourself tight. The larger the object you have in your ass then the looser you will become and so it is important to make sure that you keep it in check.

I have mentioned a lot in this column about the Kegel exercises you can do. The key to this is to identify the correct muscles and then regularly exercise them. To locate the muscle go for a pee and stop the flow using the muscle. These are the muscles you have to focus on strengthening so once you know where they are you can contract and relax them when not going for a pee and then try using them during sex. You can tighten and relax then during sex and this makes the sensation stronger for both the top and the bottom.

There are many guys who enjoy very large objects in their ass or even fisting and they don't necessarily become too loose! It just depends on what you do after. If you don't do anything then yes you will become looser and looser which to be honest isn't so exciting for your partner as he won't really feel much. By exercising the Kegel muscles you can also tense the muscle in your ass while having sex so that your partner will enjoy it more and so will you!

You must be very careful though as fisting is a dangerous activity and not something to get into without a great deal of preparation and knowledge.

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Matt is experimenting: Hi James, I'm an 18 year-old guy who has been dating girls since school. For the past couple of years, I've been turned on by guys and gay porn. I've had cybersex with guys a number of times. No one knows this. The furthest I've gone with a girl was oral sex. I love my current girlfriend, but we are just not hitting it off physically anymore. I now have the opportunity to meet a 20-something guy I met on the internet. We chatted a couple of times and now he wants to meet and have oral sex. Getting my cock sucked again sounds thrilling but I'm unsure about blowing him. He's said it's alright if I just jack him off. My question is whether should I be even thinking about this? If my girlfriend is fulfilling me in every area but physically, is it natural to want to have this guy suck my cock? What should I do?

James answers: Hi Matt, I think that this is a good opportunity for you to start to try different things sexually. You say that you already have thoughts about being with another guy and that means it is something that you find interesting as a concept. If you don't act on this now you will most certainly in the future as it is something that is already on your mind.

As long as you feel ready then why not meet this guy and see what happens? You may not enjoy it at all and that will tell you something immediately. You may also really like it and can then consider if it is something you want to continue.

Let's not get caught up with silly labels like gay or straight or bi or anything else. Having sex once with someone doesn't change your sexuality. You shouldn't be afraid to explore your feelings as that is the only way that you can truly discover what you want from your life! You are young and you need to discover what you like in sex, in exactly the same way as you need to discover what you like to wear, what you like to eat, where you like to go, what you like to do. This is just one more way of making your life what you want it to be.

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