This Week - Love with a friend, New Year unsurety and Being faithful

Teenboi has a question: I am in love with a friend... Well, sort of an ex-friend. We stopped talking about 7 months ago, and I don't know why... not really on bad terms. I ignored him online by blocking him, but he never noticed. I did this to get over him, but I've only fallen harder for him since. It's really bad, because, besides him being straight, he didn't even notice much I wasn't around him anymore, and that hurt. When he broke up with his gf of a year and a half last September, we started to hang out so much we were growing closer. I think he used me as a vent. He didn't care I liked boys, either... and he had me meet all of his friends. I am madly in love with him, and want him back in my life, but i don't know how to tell him this. He knows I'm into guys, and he has a lot of feminine qualities... but he's most likely straight. How do I go about getting him back in my life and making him realize that I'm the one for him besides the fact that I have a pair of nuts?

James says: This is a bit of a confusing story as you say you used to hang out with him and I assume you also used to talk on the phone as well, but you also say that you stopped talking with him by blocking him online! If the only way you communicated with him was online, then maybe you should try and arrange to meet him or give him a call.

We are now living in a cyber world where a lot of people are communicating using new mediums such as email, internet chat and sms. Remember that when you chat on the internet it is different from actually talking to the person on the phone, or sitting next to them face to face. Also consider that what you write can easily be misunderstood, as there's no intonation or facial gestures available to support your words.

I am wondering why you blocked him when you like him so much! And further wondering why you haven't unblocked him! If you know he's straight then it's going to be hard on you to keep persuing this, and you could end up destroying your friendship, although it sounds like you don't even have that anymore. If you aren't sure he's straight then get in contact with him again, go out for a drink and quiz him by asking some questions phrased as jokes, such as, 'So, have you snogged any cute guys recently?' and see what he responds with!

And if you do decide to contact him then do it by phone - it means so much more when it comes down to issues that are important. The interent or a text message is not the way to convey your feelings!

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First Time is unsure: I was at friend's and he asked me if I jack off much. 'Yes', I said, so we jacked off each other. About a week ago we started sucking each other off, but we are straight, or maybe we are bisexual. We just jack and suck, but for the first time now I've just asked him to cum in my mouth and he did. So now as we head into a New Year I just don't know where I am, or what I am?

James replies: I think that any guy who says he wanks off with his buddies and that they also suck each other off and cum in their mouths would really have to be termed bisexual at the very least! At the end of the day, this is just a definition, and to be honest there are a lot of guys out there who could really be termed bisexual.

Only if you were 100% straight and never had sex with other men, or if you were 100% gay and never had sex with other women, would you not be bisexual. It's not really worth worrying about which category you fit into, it's more important to concentrate on yourself and what you want, not how society wants to classify you!

At the end of the day if you are doing things that make you happy then just enjoy it, and take it as far as feels good - if that means that you both fuck each other one day then fine - don't worry about it and just enjoy it. Just make sure that whatever you do is safe, and that means always using condoms when you fuck.

It may also be good for you to meet other bisexual or gay lads. Put a profile on online or go on social media of some sort where you can chat with thousands of other guys who have differing experiences and are looking for different things. Stop worrying about what you are and start to enjoy who you are. And, have a Happy New Year!

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Mark asks: I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now, we work together, live together and socialise together. In fact we spend 24/7 together and always have, since we meet. Our sex life is still good and regular, and we have always found ways to spice it up if it ever gets boring. The problem we have is trust, if I leave his sight for more than an hour he gets very paranoid and thinks I am cheating on him. I've never cheated on anyone I've been out with, and apart from snogging someone else have never done anything behind his back. He however has cheated on me 5 times now. Recently he has befriended a str8 friend of ours, who has a girlfriend, they have spent a lot of time together recently, and text and meet up all the time. I have now found out that the "str8" friend is in fact gay, and wants to leave his girlfriend and fancies my bf. This guy is stunning and hates me for some reason. I am not sure what I should do. In the past I have always got all worked up and had a go at my bf, but should I now just ignore it in case he's just attention seeking? I am really worried that he will cheat on me again. I suggested an open relationship last time he cheated on me, because then he would have no reason to lie to me, but he says he wouldn't want me to go off with other ppl. What should I do?

James answers: This seems to be quite a one sided situation Mark. Basically your boyfriend is saying that it's alright for him to have sex with other guys, but he wouldn't like it if you did. Added to this is the fact that you have been together for some time but still haven't built up any trust between you.

You say that he will never let you out of his sight for more than an hour, whereas you let him go out with his 'straight' friend?

Why don't you try and create some balance in this relationship? What's good for him is also good for you and you shouldn't be made to feel bad because of the way he behaves. You say that you have suggested an open relationship but he wants monogamy? Well, he has already broken that 5 times in the past four years and how many more times will he do it in the future?

You also need to think very carefully about what to do with the situation with his 'straight' friend who has now turned out to be gay! You say he doesn't like you - well maybe that comes from his jealousy of you being together with your boyfriend. It would be advisable to confront your boyfriend on this, otherwise it will escalate into a bigger problem than it already is. Ask him about his feelings towards this guy and if he will cheat on you again. Explain that it isn't fair if he cheats on you but then gets jealous if you are away from him for more than an hour!

It's about time you get some balance back into your relationship so that you each play by equal rules. If he is allowed to go out with a friend without you being jealous then so are you! If he is allowed to play away from home then so are you! Try and re-establish the rules a bit so that they are more fair to both of you and find out what he really wants. By sorting this out now you can look forward to spending many more years together, but on a more equal footing, not doing this will just harbour bad feeling and resentment.

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