James Connor can answer all your questions on gay relationships, sex, health and love. James is founder of the website www.freshsx.com and his new DVD label has just released it's first movie featuring James in action. It's available now from the OutUK online store ShopGay. The opinions he gives in Ask James are based on his experiences as a gay man who enjoys all aspects of love and sex. He's not a qualified doctor, trained counsellor or therapist but his advice is like that of a close friend. The Ask James Archive has loads of questions and answers featured in previous editions of the column.

This Week - Cock rings, Religious but gay and Porn addicts

Regor rings in with this: My partner wants me to wear a cock ring. Just thinking about it makes me hard. What advice can you give me on the style and how to get the best fit. Should I wear the ring all the time?

James says: Cock rings either come as adjustable, which means you can change the size of it, or a fixed size. Examples of adjustable cock rings are the leather cock collars which can be sized according to your body or the cock rings made of rubber or nylon which expand and contract themselves.

These kinds of cock rings are best if you have never used one before for 2 reasons. They are not only much easier to get on and off but you also can control how tight they are during sex. If you haven't used a cock ring before you also shouldn't leave one on for too long - at first try for around 5 or 10 minutes. If you wear them for too long then you can actually do yourself some damage.

Non-adjustable cock rings come in different sizes, varying from 35mm up to 55mm and are usually made of metal or rubber. It is important to choose the correct size otherwise it could be painful, you just won't be able to put it on, or it will be loose and totally ineffective.

The metal rings can only be put on when you don't have an erection and they tighten when you get hard. It is easiest to put your balls through the ring first and then your dick and as you get hard the ring will tighten. This is why it is important to get the right size. You should measure around the base of your dick and balls when you are hard to find out which size is best.

Using a ring that is too small is dangerous as it will be very difficult to get off. If you can't loose your hard on while wearing a cock ring then it would have to be cut off and if it is made of metal that would mean paying a visit to the hospital to have it cut off! The ring I mean - NOT your dick!

So take some good advice and start with the adjustable ones and don't leave it on for too long, until you get used to it. After a few weeks if you want you can start to experiment with them more and try out different styles as well, but take it slowly!

You can find a great selection of jelly, rubber and steel cock rings in our online store ShopGay at excellent prices.

Kat wants to know: Hi James! I feel wierd asking this but I need an answer nevertheless. I have had sex with both guys and girls and while I enjoyed both, I found I preferred sex with guys because it just felt different. Thereafter I've almost exclusively sought out gay sex though I haven't had any for the past 7 years. Now I find that while I get really turned on by gay porn and want to have it, but I feel a bit uncomfortable about the whole thing. I'm a lot happier jerking off than actually doing it. I have been bombarded with all sorts of religious info both against and in support of gay feelings and I'm now wondering is this could be the problem or if it could be something else. What do you think?

James replies: If you really feel and know that you prefer having sex with guys then that is your answer really. Although religious beliefs and ideas may have influenced your thoughts in the past, you might have been told that gay sex was wrong, you really should follow what you want now and what feels right for you now.

Gay sex has been a taboo for a long time but now gay people are beginning to receive the same rights as heterosexual people, and being gay and having gay sex is no longer considered to be such an issue. Many guys are now coming out and leading very happy lifestyles according to the way they want to lead their lives and are not being dictated to by society or religious ideals about what is right or wrong.

In the UK this December there is a new partnership bill coming into law which places gay couples in most of the important respects into exactly the same legal position as straight couples. This is a major step forward in making gay life part of the norm. Already in many European countries gay people have the same rights as heterosexual people, and nobody really cares about your sexuality.

Realising that being gay and having gay sex is no longer something to be afraid of should help you in not being influenced by others and lead you to have a life that you really want. If you enjoy gay sex then make the most of it! Life is short, and it's your life not anyone elses, so make your choice and enjoy it! You'll find that most people who care for you will accept it, and those that don't, you can probably do without.

Jeff's worried: My boyfriend and I have been together for about seven months. The first night we met, we went to his house and watched a porn to get off, but couldn't because we were both nervous. At the beginning of our relationship he used to be very horny all the time, but now he's not. Last week I was using his computer and saw that he had watched four different porn videos in one day so it's no wonder he doesn't want me. I feel guilty about the snooping, but cheated he doesn't want the real thing. What do I do?

James answers: It is understandable that you want your boyfriend to have sex with you and you only but it is normal for guys to get turned on sexually by other things apart from their partner. If he didn't then you would be right to start worrying but you shouldn't worry if he enjoys watching porn!

Do you never get turned on by seeing a porn movie or sexy pics of a guy? Do you never look at a guy on the street and find him sexy? This is all part of normal life so you should try and accept this and talk about it with your partner. You may find that by doing this it strengthens your relationship more. Maybe you could watch a porn movie together instead of him watching one on his own and then have even better sex than ever before.

Both of you accepting that it is ok to be aroused sexually by other guys is a great step forward in a relationship and you'll soon realise that you have even more to share with each other. You should be happy that he is watching a porn movie rather than going out and sleeping with other guys, as that could place real strains on your relationship if you didn't want him too. I think you need to try and talk about all this together, understand each others needs more and build on what you already have in your relationship.


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