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James Connor answers loads of questions on gay relationships, sex, health and love. James founded his own
highly successful gay website and film label called FreshSX. The opinions he gives in Ask James are based on his
experiences as a gay man who enjoys all aspects of love and sex. He's not a qualified doctor, trained counsellor
or therapist but his advice is like that of a close friend.
The Ask James Archive has more questions and answers
that were featured in previous editions of the column.
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This Week - How Often, Unwanted erections and Hiring guys 
| Jack's got a bit of a jack question: I was talking to my friends the other day, and they say that they need to cum everyday at least once, sometimes more. Do you feel there's a need to cum everyday? Should every normal man jack off every day, or several times a day?
| James says: Hi Jack, well we are all different and we also go through different cycles of 'horniness' so whether or not you cum once a day, or more than this, or less than this, is really up to you and what you want! Don't feel that you need to cum more just because your friends tell you to!
Some people are just more sexually active than others and they would probably want to cum more. It is also common to be horny at different times, it often comes in cycles but being horny is also affected by your mood, your own personal situation, the weather, and many other factors.
Have a think about how often you cum and if you think this is OK for you! If you don't feel the need to cum more than you do then you probably have the balance right. Also remember that you can cum too much ... but how do you know if it is too much? If wanting to cum gets in the way of your normal day to day life and stops you doing things you would otherwise do then it may be too much.
It is also too much when you aren't satisfied with the amount of cum you produce. If you cum again and again in the same day then you will produce less cum and when that reaches a level that you aren't happy with then you should refrain from sex for a bit and let your levels build up again.
You will also be cuming too much if you are doing yourself damage. You can get NSU (non specific urethritis) from wanking too much and it is due to damage to the urethra (the tube that your pee comes through!) but you can also get this from too much sex or just general 'overuse' of your dick! If you notice any pain in your dick, especially when you pee then visit your local GUM clinic.
| Jamie gets hard just thinking about this question: James, How do I stop getting unwanted erections? I seem to get hard several times a day, and it's all a bit embarrassing.
| James replies: Hi Jamie, well it might be just down to your age but in your question you don't say how old you are!
It is a very common occurence for young guys to get spontaneous erections for no real reason at all - they just appear! And to be honest if you try and ignore them they will go away pretty quickly too.
Unwanted erections do tend to happen with younger guys though and with age they do tend to stop happening. They also seem to happen less frequently for men who have recently ejaculated by masturbation or by having sex with a partner. So if it is bothering you a lot you could try wanking a little bit more to see if that helps or find yourself a nice guy to have sex regularly with.
| Rick needs some escort advice: James, I like to occasionally entertain escorts, but last week managed to find one who wouldn't kiss, suck cock, fuck or get fucked. I am not being disrespectful but frankly I think he just wanted to drink tea and go home. I am not a bad looking guy and look after myself well, so I don't think he had a issue with me. What's the best way of making sure it's going to be fun next time? I feel awkward describing down the phone to someone who I've yet to meet exactly what I want to do with them when they get over here.
| James answers: Hi Rick, well when you hire an escort you really should check out first what they are willing to do and what they are not happy about doing. You don't need to go into a massive detailed list but it is quite common to ask an escort what he is into or what he does.
He will tell you if he kisses, sucks cock, fucks, etc. and that way you can plan your encounters with a little more chance for success! If you do this before then you can be sure that you can avoid experiences like the one you describe!
Most escorts are very decent guys and will do their best to make sure you have a good time so maybe you just need to put this down to a one off bad time and next time just ask a few questions before meeting to check that it will be worth your while!
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