James Connor can answer all your questions on gay relationships, sex, health and love. James is founder of the
website www.freshsx.com and his new DVD label has
just released it's first movie featuring James in action. It's available now from the OutUK
online store ShopGay. The opinions he gives in Ask James are based on his experiences as a gay man who enjoys all
love and sex. He's not a qualified doctor, trained counsellor or therapist but his advice is like that of a close
The Ask James Archive has loads of questions and answers
featured in previous editions of the column.
This Week - Can't Stop, Too floppy and Bugged out
Robby can't stop: Hi James - I get really aroused when it comes to sex to the point that sometime I can shoot within a few minutes much to my frustration and disappointment! Not only that the more I think about it, I tend to lose my erection!! I've tried squeezing, trying to stop, even thinking about shagging a bird to no avail... help... please!!
James says: Hey Robby well not sure about the thoughts about shagging a bird, as you put it, but there are some techniques that work really well for when you are in a situation where you are so horny you just wanna shoot within minutes!
The first things you need to work on by yourself. Learn how to control your orgasms more by wanking yourself up to the point where you feel you are going to cum and then stop. The exact point to reach is just before the 'point of no return' in other words the time where you can no longer stop yourself cumming.
Relax for a minute and let your dick go down and then start again, building yourself up to the same point and then stopping again. By doing this you can learn to control when you cum and be more in control.
The squeeze technique you mention is more effective if you squeeze on the perenium. The perinium is the middle point between the scrotum and the anus and you can squeeze quite hard here and it should temporarilly delay orgasm as well.
While having sex one effective way to delay orgasm is to break for a while and then start again. Another is to use the really thick condoms as this slows the sensation but doesn't take away the pleasure. Other guys find that by cumming before having sex, say 2-3 hours before can make it much easier for them to last longer as the desire to cum should take longer to build.
Floppy boy stands up with this: James, my problem is not serious, but it's been bugging me for years. When my cock gets hard, it doesn't get hard right at the base where it's attached to the rest of my body. I guess you can picture this. What I mean is, it's gets pretty hard, but since it's not hard right at the base, it's sort of hard and flopping around at the same time. I'm really envious of these guys whose cocks stand straight out from their bodies, or stand straight up in the air so it's really easy for them to fuck someone who sits on them. I have no problem fucking in other positions but I want my cock to be really stiff all the way down. By the way, does size have anything to do with it? My cock is a little longer and quite a bit thicker than average. Thanks a lot for your help.
James replies: Hi there, well firstly you say that it is not serious but to be honest if it has been bugging you for years then it is something that you should sort out.
I haven't really heard of guys not getting hard at the base of their dick, if they are hard everywhere else, so my advice really would be to make an appointment with a doctor. The best place to go would be to a GUM clinic as they have much more experience with sexual things instead of your normal doctor. It is also much less embarrassing going to a sex clinic as everyone is there for the same reason and the doctors are very used to dealing with all things to do with sex.
Some guys use cock rings and other gadgets to stay harder but I would seek some advice first as that could actually do more harm than good should there be something wrong. Even if there is nothing wrong they will be able to explain to you why it is happening.
All guys are different and not everyone gets totally rock hard. Some guys only get semi-hard when having sex and there are many guys who cum when they are not totally hard as well so a lot of the time it does come down to the individual, but do go and see someone about this to be sure!
Rogger is bugged by this: Hi James, a friend who is also a pharmacist told me that anal sex is not healthy, since the bottom's bottom is full of bugs that can infect the urethra. Is this true?
James answers: Well yes the anus does have bugs in it as that is where we get rid of waste. Such parasites affect the entire gastrointestinal tract. Other STD's can also be carried in the anus including gonorrhea, herpes, human papillomavuris (anal warts), and syphillis.
Diseases from the anus can be contracted orally from rimming as well as carried on fingers. They can also be transmitted through unproteced anal sex and therefore the best way to be protected is to always use condoms for anal sex.
The guy who is bottom should be aware of anal hygiene. By washing the anal region before and after anal sex the amount of bacteria that could be spread is reduced. We've talked many times in this column about the best way to douche. Condoms when used for anal sex prevent the spread of STD's and for rimming you can use dental dams which are pieces of flat rubber that provide a barrier between the mouth or fingers and the anus.
If you are aware of how to have safer sex with a bottom and the partner you are with is also aware of good anal hygiene then you should be OK and can have safe anal sex just like most other guys! So get organised, and stop worrying.