This Week - How do you know, Cum inside and Using escorts

Shami asks: Am I really gay? I'm not sure if I'm gay or not because I do like guys, but maybe I only like the way guys have sex with each other. I've always wanted to go to bed with a guy but never got the chance. I'm getting mixed feelings as well, like sometimes I think I'm gay and other times I don't. I feel really confused at the moment, how can I work it all out?

James says: Hi Shami, you know when you first realise that you might be gay or that you might be attracted to guys sexually, it can be a shock and can also be a difficult thing to come to terms with. Even though being gay is much more accepted nowadays, there is still prejudice towards homosexuality and this can make it much harder to be gay. Luckily TV and other media forms feature a lot more gay people than ever before, and in a much more positive way, and this has led to there being much less of a stigma.

If you do find guys physically attractive or enjoy watching guys having sex together then this would indicate you are gay or at least bisexual. The trouble with trying to work out if you are gay is that the society around you may put pressure on you to behave in the way they expect. Being gay therefore is not always the natural option you would choose as it is frankly easier not to be gay!

To realise if you are actually gay or not you need to remove all the external influences and prejudices you have heard about and think solely of your feelings and what is likely to be natural for you. If you were on a desert island with just 1 man and 1 woman who would you find attractive and who would you want to sleep with? If nobody was ever to know of your choice, who would you find more attractive.

If you think you are gay then you should try and find someone to talk to about it, or maybe join one of the gay chat sites where you can talk with other guys and make new friends. If you want to take it further then you can also meet guys for sex on sites like this as well. And don't worry about being confused as it is quite normal!!

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xumixi also needs to know: I have been out on the gay seen for little less than 2 months. I've had a bf for a month, but now, I'm just meeting new people and having safe fun. The problem is, I never seem to reach climax in another person. Why would you think this is so? Is it because I jackoff too much?

James replies: When it comes down to the issue of reaching orgasm we all do it in a different way. It is almost as individual as each person himself. It can take some time to find out what makes your body tick and what makes you cum. If you have only just come out and started having sex with other guys then you are just at the start of a long discovery of sexuality. You should have some patience to find out what you like and what you don't, what makes you cum more easily and what turns you off!

Most guys don't have problems with cuming if they are wanking themselves but it can be much harder to cum if someone is wanking you, especially if they have a bad technique! If you are fucking someone then it may also be hard for you to cum, especially if you are not in the right position. When the active guy is on top of the passive guy then this gives the guy who is fucking more control and will make it easier to cum.

Good positions for this include doggy style or where the bottom is lying face up with his legs in the air. There may also be problems when the passive guy is not very tight. This can occur for various reasons although passive guys should always learn how to do the kegel exercises to make sure the muscles in their anus are tight and that they are able to control them. Check some of our past questions for answers on this.

If a guy is not so tight then there are some positions that can help him give the top a better sensation - try spooning, which is where the bottom is lying on his side and the top enters him lying behind or also try entering with the passive guy lying face up on the bed with one leg up and one leg straight out, as this can be more stimulating for the active guy.

You can also try not jacking off for a few days as that will mean that you will find it easier to cum when you are fucking as you should be more horny and have more of an urge to want to cum!

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Pedro needs a word of advice: James, please help I am aged 31 and have only recently come to terms with my sexuality. I am thinking of using gay escorts solely as a means of gaining experience, but I don't know what to expect. Will they be put off by my lack of experience? Can they teach me? Would they be bothered? Should I go to their place etc? What do you think? Thanks

James answers: Hi Pedro, you know 31 is not an old age at which to come out. Some guys don't come out until they are much older than this whilst others come out when they are younger - we are all different and we all have different experiences!

Some guys do decide to use escorts for their first few gay sexual experiences and any professional escort will be used to having sex with guys who haven't had gay sex before, and for this they should make you feel very relaxed and at ease. For any escort who is professional it would be absolutely no problem for them at all, particularly if you make a point of telling them before you meet.

Also a lot of escorts are great guys and love to talk and help as well, so they will be able to give you some tips too if you ask! You can find escorts in the escort directory listings but check to see that they are professional first! Have they done any other professional model work for magazines, have they starred in porn films, do they have their own website, etc. Most will also have their own place and so they will be able to do both in calls (where you visit them) or out calls (where they come to you).

The best advice though would be to ring the escort first and chat a bit. If you find them friendly and nice on the phone and get on well then there is a high chance that you will also have a great time with them when you meet. And always check with them how much it will be, what it is they do and don't do, how long you'll be with them, and all the other important details before you go! Don't get embarrassed, just be sure to describe to them exactly what it is you are looking for so you end up with a guy who's just the right person for you.

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