James Connor can answer all your questions on gay relationships, sex, health and love. James is founder of the
website www.freshsx.com and his new DVD label has
just released it's first movie featuring James in action. It's available now from the OutUK
online store ShopGay. The opinions he gives in Ask James are based on his experiences as a gay man who enjoys all
love and sex. He's not a qualified doctor, trained counsellor or therapist but his advice is like that of a close
The Ask James Archive has loads of questions and answers
featured in previous editions of the column.
This Week - Clean sex, No blows and Tight foreskins
Peter asks: I have been having sex with my partner for 5 months now with no problems until about a month ago when he started to leave deposits on my penis during and after sex. Is this something normal, something he's eating, or somthing medical? How can we make sure he's always clean?
James says: Hi Peter, it is perfectly normal for this to happen, so you need to make sure that he's as clean as he can be. A douche is one way of cleaning everything out, but don't use it just before sex, five or six hours before is best. The actual cause could be due to diet, so why not ask him whether he's altered his eating habits in anyway. Make sure he's eating enough fresh fruit, vegetables and fibre. Remember too that sex can be a messy business, and however hard he tries, your partner is not going to be able to guarantee he's totally spotless. In the words of columnist Simon Sheppard "What's a little mess between friends?"
James blows in with this: I'm a mid-fifties male. I have never been able to cum by a man giving me a blow job. It's pleasurable when the guy starts but I soon stop feeling anything and tell him to stop, as it won't work. Any suggestions on how I can enjoy things more?
James replies: Every person is different when it comes to sex. Some guys get a hard on very easily, while others find it more difficult and need some extra stimulation to get them turned on. In the same way, some men can cum very quickly whereas others will take a lot longer to achieve orgasm. Some guys say they can't cum whilst fucking, others can't cum whilst being wanked by another guy and others can't cum while being sucked. In fact, not as many people as you think can cum while receiving a blow job so you're not alone! Personally I think its a lot to do with relaxing and just enjoying being sucked. A surefire way of ruining the moment, is to start worrying about whether you're going to cum or not. Just let nature take its course and you'll stand a much better chance of orgasm. Good luck!
Matt slides in a question: Hi James, please can you give me some advice. When I get an erection my foreskin still covers the head of my penis. I can pull it back but it bunches up behind the head and not down the shaft like I see in porn movies. When soft it can be pulled all the way down the shaft so cleaning is not normally a problem. When I masturbate, I hardly ever retract the skin and leave the foreskin in place with around a third of the head showing. Is this a common problem and will it cause a problem having sex?
James answers: Tis is surprisingly common and is called phimosis. It is not something that you should be worried about, but I would discuss it with your doctor. Estimates suggest that 10% of 16 year olds have it, but most find it disappears by the time they're 18. Make sure you pay a lot of attention to hygiene and ensure that you are clean under the foreskin to prevent infection and irritation. There is some evidence that the chemicals in some brands of bubblebath can cause the foreskin to tighten so don't use any. If the condition persists, your doctor may prescribe a steroid cream which works very well. You should find no problem in having sex. If you do then definitely see a doctor, as the condition is easily treatable.