| In case you haven’t noticed, astrology is not in the business of telling the complete truth, writes astrologer Charlene Lichtenstein. That’s why traits like “cheap”, “spiteful” and “ugly” become “thrifty”, “intense” and “good personality”. Why pay good hard earned money to be insulted and called an asshole (unless that’s your kind of a thing and hey, I have no problem with that). Astrologer Charlene Lichtenstein brings you the real truth about that megahunk at the end of the bar and suggests you first find out his star sign and consult the following before you send over that bottle of champagne. | |
| LIBRA September 24-October 23 Libras lounge around and say that the world doesn’t appreciate them. The fact is that they are lazy and have no intention of making any effort on their own behalf. The astrology books say Libras are charming and diplomatic, but fail to say that they use this to gain sympathy and take advantage. Of all the zodialogical representations, Libra is the only machine (scales). That means they have no heart. Mitigating factors: Good therapy practice. Makes you look like you’re getting ahead, comparatively. Those born under the sign of Libra include: Gore Vidal, Heinrich Himmler, Lee Harvey Oswald. |
| SCORPIO October 24-November 22 If Scorpios tend to get the toughest rap in astrology, it’s because they deserve it. Nasty, spiteful, bitter and conniving don’t even scratch the surface of their layered personality. Sneaky and treacherous even as a kid, their idea of a pleasant afternoon is to pull the wings off flies and slip them in the fruit cake mix. Deep down, Scorpios are the devil on a bad day. Mitigating factors: ...well let me think of something cruel... Those born under the sign of Scorpio include: Roseanne Barr, Charles Manson . |
| SAGITTARIUS November 23-December 21 Astrology books say that Sagittarians are clumsy, frank and loud. Why would anyone want to hang around a social embarrassment like that? They can’t keep a secret. They insult multitudes with one “accidental” remark and they dress badly. The fact is that Sags are loud mouths and ugly ones at that. Astrology books agree that Sagittarians resemble horses. They omit saying what end. Mitigating factors: Interesting to observe awkward moments getting worse. Those born under the sign of Sagittarius include: Kurt Waldheim, Joseph Stalin. |
| For Entertainment Purposes Only. Madam Lichtenstein, a Sagittarian, doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but can’t help it. © Charlene Lichtenstein, All Rights Reserved | |