Love the lamp darling. OutUK's Adrian Gillan peers through the queer keyhole to sort the kitsch from the chintz. How gay is your home? And what does it say about you? Roll over Keith Lemon and make way!

From queerest folk loft apartments to camped-up student digs, from chintzy front rooms to high-rise council kitsch. Turn over the pictures and hide away the books, but could your new straight plumber tell you were gay from your home alone?

You can repossess the home from the queer, but you can't take the queer out of the home. Hardly surprising, since it's where we cook, eat, sleep, have sex, wash, relax and entertain; a place to be and express ourselves, nay lay down our very scent. So spot the tell-tale signs.

My extensive gay ganderings have revealed three main queer home lifestyle types: kitsch, loft and chintz.

Pure Living Lounge at Selfridges London
Everything for the perfect interior at the
Pure Living Lounge at Selfridges London.
As with three trisecting circles, one man or couple can demonstrate all three, either all at the same time - you can have a chintzy entrance hallway leading into an expansive living space and a kitsch bedroom den hidden away upstairs - or over time, perhaps as we age. Couples can also demonstrate conflicting styles within the same home. But we all individually tend to major on one type in particular. And each of the three 'fantasies' says something about you.

Kitsch Boy
Four miles out, on the edge of suburbia, Kitsch Boy feeds his cat on Sheba sink-side, lala-ing to Kylie, whilst running a candle-lit bubble bath in a flat-share kitted out with nick-nacks from last year's Mardi Gras. Pop idols adorn the loo where a stash of Cosmo and gay porn vie for attention on the floor. In the student-like bedroom lair space, said purring puss obscures the duvet face of Bassey or Cher. Lava lamps, fag butts and used flyers crowd off cheap cabinets, with photos of cheesy-grinning mirth pinned on boards on walls: Boyfriends past, fag hags present. Fiercely protected facial scrubs are guarded on dressers next to stacks and stacks of once-latest diva pop, listened to around the clock.

Loft Man
Meanwhile, in an inner-city urban place, healthy, glowing Loft Man, in old converted hospital, yawns and stretches out of bed to survey his achievement below; scene to countless teeming parties and a fair few expansive intimacies. A celeb in his own loft, surrounded with the space to think, nay create - the light, my dears, the light. Disembodied and conceptual, he flits back and forth from the Keys to the Cape. Minimal and classy - no Ikea here - and much designed himself. Regard his early works. Pure Wallpaper and Line, from walk-in bathing pool to wooden-top open cooking ledge extended into bar into rug-filled living area with suede sofas, blue and green tint glassware and a ripe selection of the latest wines of Oz. Lucky the inner-city he regenerates - the cafes, the galleries - and so near town.

Chintz Gent
Across city in a terrace slice, Chintz Gent of a certain age, long-time partnered up and with well-groomed pooch, listens to Elgar or Verdi and stares at the Queen framed on the richly patterned wallpapered wall. Mother taught him to cook; he wears piny and purse as dozing husband slumps in solid covered armchair dropping his book on Princess Margaret as the clock chimes Sunday at three. Beyond the netting, the roses are tended and the garden grows with the pooch waiting at the door: pants and yawns and pants. And all is well, as the clock chimes four, and the favourite programme comes on air, soothing with pre-scone delight. The bedroom's well dusted and double bed-spreaded and mother framed on the wall near the vase, mock Limoge. And all shall be well.

There are as many gay home lifestyle combinations as there are gays, and we all have a unique blend either over time or at any one time. But you don't have to be a chintzed-up Poirot or self-styled Keith Lemon to clock the clues of a predominant trait.

When you get dressed in the morning, your outfit can reveal a lot about not only your personality but your current mood and schedule for the day. Your home is in contrast a more consistent reflection of you, or at least it should be. One of the first things people notice about your space when they walk in is how much of you is incorporated into the decor. However many people, even those who are very chic in how they dress, can have a very safe space at home that doesn’t have a lot of personality.

What does your home decor say about you and your personality?
So how do you rate in the world of gay interiors. Lay yourself down on that couch and try my little test and we're talking fun not Jung! P.S. I'm a big loft with chintz in the closet but without a hint of kitsch. My mate Stephen is pure chintz.

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